


Slow Motion Trainwreck of the Polar Express

by ThoughtaThought



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Blow Jobs, Breathplay, Come Eating, Come Swallowing, Communication, Crossdressing Kink, Dom/sub Play, Dom/sub Undertones, Dress Up, Enthusiastic Consent, Español | Spanish, Face-Fucking, Foursome, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Foursome - FtM/M/Other/Other, Genderfluid Character, General Filth, I'm Disappointed in You all, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Magic, Marijuana, Multi, Multiple Universes, Open Marriage, Open Relationships, Pet Names, Polyamorous Character, Polyamory, Praise Kink, Riding, Rimming, Safe Sane and Consensual, Shameless Smut, Smut, Stockings, Subspace, Swingers, This is going to be a wile ride, and idk where it's going, and myself, both are translated, but unsafe sex is a tag?, curse, make safe sex a tag 2k20, safe sex, see you in hell, that's upsetting, why is safe sex not a tag, हिंदी | Hindi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:08:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 26,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26752615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThoughtaThought/pseuds/ThoughtaThought
Summary: Thomat the DANK engine sends his condolences. I will not apologize. All mistakes are my own. Just FYI, I think laterally, so i don't usually use the word/quote exactly. It's often just like... I fit the vibe of the chapter with the vibe of the word and quote.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Original Character(s), Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Phil Lester/Original Character(s)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 24
Collections: Im-PROMPT-u Phandom Creator Challenge 2020





	1. Confidence

**Author's Note:**

> For this fic, I have enlisted the help of [Divy](https://holyjesusonatricycle.tumblr.com/) for help with Indian language and culture and [Yani](https://jorzuela.tumblr.com/) for help with Argentinian language and culture. 
> 
> I'm not perfect. I'm sure the characters will not be perfect. I have taken my privileges into account and have done my best to remain conscious of any cultural biases I have learned.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "My only regrets are the moments when i doubted myself and took the safe route."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

Phil doesn’t lack confidence (it would be hard to do with a career like his), but Dan is so much better at turning on his persona when they’re in public. Phil knows from witnessing the aftermath that it exhausts him, but that doesn’t make it any less impressive that Dan can be  _ on _ in a blink and stay there for hours. 

Phil… he’s just Phil. He can smile and giggle in videos, but when he’s interacting with real people he’s so focused on little things that he can’t fall into a facade.  _ Keep eye contact. Smile. No, that’s too wide. Blink. Shit, I forgot to keep smiling. Blink, Phil, you look panicked. Pay attention to the words coming out of their mouth. Keep eye contact. Focus. Blink. Smile.  _

Thank fuck for Dan. Phil can’t even imagine how much harder all of this would be without him. Actually, yes, he can. It would be awful. 

Not as awful as this. 

Phil wakes up, basically naked and wrapped around an incredibly built stranger in a bed with red, silk covered pillows and ridiculously soft sheets. Phil immediately panics and jumps out of bed, running over dark hardwood through the door, then over cold stone tiling a rounded archway and into a very spacious and green yard. The soft grass settles between his toes, kicking cool dew droplets.

A man appears from the bedroom Phil just vacated. His eyes are a darker brown than Dan’s. They’re surrounded by thick, full lashes. His warm walnut skin glows in the soft light of sunrise, not a freckle in sight. His hair is black and hangs in tight, sleep-tousled ringlets to his shoulders. He’s broad and looks solid enough to weather a hurricane. 

Phil takes a wary step away. 

“Feli,  _ cielo _ ,” the man standing in front of him says. His arms are out, palms open in an attempt to look less threatening. Phil wouldn’t feel threatened usually. The guy seems nice. 

He’s also mostly naked. 

“It’s just me,  _ corazón _ .”  He’s kept his voice soft, despite his well-concealed panic Phil can hear at the edges of his words. 

And another thing Phil has yet to process or understand. Phil doesn’t know Spanish, but he understands what is being said. He’s never met this man in his life, but right now he’s walking toward Phil and it’s not scary. 

His broad palm comes to rest on Phil’s bare chest and the warmth and weight of it is familiar. His body relaxes without his permission under the pressure of the overwhelming feeling of  _ safety _ . 

He collapses against the man’s chest, gasping against his neck. He feels as solid as he looks. He also manages to keep his balance despite Phil being a head taller than him.

“ _ Respira, Fe. _ ” Breathe, Phil.

_ “Estás bien, todo está bien. _ ” You’re okay, everything is okay.

“ _ Estás en casa. _ ” You’re home. 

The man has a hand gripping the back of Phil’s neck. It’s grounding. He starts taking slow, exaggerated breaths and Phil finds himself following along.

There’s a war tearing Phil apart, body, mind, and soul. Half of him feels safe, in familiar territory,  _ home _ , while the other half rages against that security. He’s not home. He’s not safe. He doesn’t know where he is or who this is and he’s terrified. 

  
“Felipe,  _ amor _ ,” the man whispers, pressing his lips to Phil’s cheek and running fingers through his hair. Phil holds on and sobs.


	2. Friendship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let it be known the the docs for this fic/challenge are titled “Kinktober” and “Cumplete Kinktober”
> 
> Have a good day.
> 
> Quote ~ "Eventually, you'll realize they're a bunch of potatoes, and you'll hopefully replace them with some better ones"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

Dan is lost. 

It’s definitely his own fault, but he can’t find it in himself to be upset about it at the moment because he has a purring cat on his lap and a book in his hand and his iphone to keep him company and help him find his way back into familiar territory. If the worst happens, he can call his mum. 

And it’s not like the cat led him to a shady back alley. He’s sitting under a wood canopy within eyesight of an open air market. It’s cooler than he would have imagined for India, but it’s February and they’re not directly on the equator, so that makes some sense. 

It’s been nice to get away. Being out of school has limited the amount of things he’s been shoved into, but sitting in a brown and tan room is a bit more isolating than he would prefer. The only brown and tan in this country are the spices and the people. 

Here he’s surrounded by colours. Flags with Sanskrit written on them flutter between buildings and over brightly colored fabric canopies. Bags of loose spices vary in colour from yellow to brown to red. Baskets are piled high with fresh fruit and vegetables. And then there’s all the fabric. The colours are vibrant and the embroidered patterns are intricate and compelling. 

His fingers move through the soft, short fur of the cat and watches rainbows of fabric being promoted by shouting vendors and a riot of colours being worn by the undulating mass of people making their way past him. 

Then a pair of blue trainers stops in front of him. They’re attached to legs sporting forest green skinny jeans held up by a black studded belt. A shirt that matches the blue trainers is mostly covered by a black sweater with peacock feathers embroidered on the sleeves. 

A brilliant smile, charcoal eyes framed by round, golden, wire-rimmed glasses, and a feathered fluff of hair: icing on this cake of a man before him.

“I see Ame has claimed another victim,” he says with a gesture toward Dan’s lap. Dan looks down at the fur ball keeping his legs warm.

“I’m a willing victim,” he says, scratching at Ame’s chin and enjoying the way she stretches her neck to allow better access. Slender fingers join his, scratching between her ears. At the new source of contact, Ame vocalises through her purrs in pleasant surprise. Dan chances a look and finds the stranger’s face very close to his own. 

“I’m called Irin.” His smile has turned into a smirk and Dan feels his cheeks heat up at the hesitant desire pointed his direction. A tentative smile pulls at the corners of Dan’s mouth.

“Dan,” Dan says, wishing he had more to offer. Irin’s eyelashes brush his cheeks as he looks down at Ame and runs a hand down her spine. “I like your outfit,” Dan blurts. 

“Thanks,” Irin says. He’s still smiling, though it’s softened a bit. “I did the sleeves myself.” 

“That’s amazing.” And he means it.


	3. Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "The world is an amazing place. Look at it instead of your flaws."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

As soon as Phil is calmed down and dressed, he’s herded into a car, then into the hospital. The doctors do a litany of tests and scans. Phil isn’t in any pain and everything comes back looking normal, so they call it stress-related amnesia and send him home… well to the house he woke up in that morning.

It turns out Phil lives in the Argentinian countryside. 

With his husband, Santiago.

And their corgi-mix dog, Norman.

He still does charity work, but instead of cleaning up the ocean, he’s helping to replant the rainforest, which explains the facemask covered in cartoon sloths he wore and the one covered in toucans Santiago wore. He still does youtube and his content is basically the same, though he has several videos comparing his childhood home and his new home. They usually feature food and his husband. He also has several videos documenting Norman’s adoption, growth, and training. 

He’s a bit discombobulated about the whole thing. It’s weird seeing himself live a life that he doesn’t remember, especially because he feels the ghosts of memories on the periphery of his mind. He watches the video where he and Santiago (who he keeps calling Santi) picked up Norman from a shelter and he remembers the giddy excitement of that day. 

He watches a video where he introduces Santiago as his boyfriend and remembers the fear that dogged him through the filming and editing process. He remembers having to leave the room when Santi pressed upload. He remembers the violent backlash as well as the outpouring of support. 

He remembers when the support overwhelmed the backlash. 

He remembers going on a tour, promoting Santi’s book about changeling aliens whose biological sex changed once every decade. He remembers making a coming out video with Santi and getting a wave of confusion from the queer community when Phil came out as gay and Santi came out as a trans man. 

He remembers his own pointed panic when Santiago had come out to him as trans on their fourth date. He remembers Santiago’s twitchy nervousness through dinner. He remembers the way his stomach dropped as his affection for Santi warred with his fear and uncertainty. He remembers a week of radio silence between them. He remembers talking to PJ and Louise and his mum and Martyn. He remembers the hesitant relief on Santi’s face when he showed up to their fifth date and said he wanted to try, but needed help understanding. He remembers Santiago’s patient words and guiding hands as they explored each other’s boundaries and bodies. 

It’s an overwhelming influx of half remembered memories, some of them faded through years that he can’t fully grasp, warring with memories of Dan and Phil living their life in London. 

Santiago walks into the dining room with two cups of coffee. He sets one next to Phil’s left hand and sits across the table, blowing across the top before sipping. Phil takes a sip and burns his tongue, but through the pain he can tell it’s made exactly the way he likes it. 

Santi doesn’t say anything. He’s been quiet and kept his distance all day, which Phil knows is a struggle for him based on the tense set of his shoulders and the near constant aborted touches. Phil’s heart aches for him. He wants to reach out, but feels like he’s standing on the precipice of a rockslide. He doesn’t know what will set him off. He feels unsteady and unsure. 

  
He types  _ Daniel James Howell _ into the search bar. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi. 
> 
> fun fact: a young me actually wrote a story about aliens whose bio sex changed about every decade. I got 20 (single spaced, size 12 Times New Roman) full pages written before my lack of outline finally caught up with me an I had to admit defeat. 
> 
> p.s. next chapter is my fav so far.


	4. Demon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "So I did that"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

Dan is sitting in the shade of a dogwood maple on a bench covered by a towel. They want to lean back and relax, but Irin’s instructions were very clear. Leaning back could dirty the outfit and, even if it didn’t, slouching would cause the linen to wrinkle. So Dan is forced to sit up straight while the photographer takes a break. 

Then a shadow passes over the phone in their hand and they look up to see none other than Famous Actor Daniel Radcliffe. With horns. Like ram’s horns attached to his temples. Like when Famous Actor Daniel Radcliffe starred in the 2013 film  _ Horns _ . Those kinds of horns. 

Famous Actor Daniel Radcliffe isn’t saying anything. He’s just staring like Dan is Pandora’s box and the right kind of eye contact will unlock him. It’s a hungry, wanting stare, but it’s not sexual. It’s just a bit weird. Unnerving. 

“Hi?” Dan says. 

“Nice clothes,” Famous Actor Daniel Radcliffe says. “Did your partner make them?” 

“Yes.”

“Nice.”

There’s more staring. Dan is trying not to look at the horns, but they’re kind of eye catching. He gives in and immediately feels words bubbling up his throat.

“Are you Daniel Radcliffe or the character from  _ Horns _ that’s played by Daniel Radcliffe?” 

“Neither,” says not Famous Actor Daniel Radcliffe and not the character from  _ Horns _ . “I’m just your average demon, but I thought this form would get that across quickly without causing you undue distress.” 

Dan’s brain attempts to struggle with that, but gives up rather quickly. 

“Why?” Dan asks the demon. “Why are you appearing to me? Why now?”

“Well,” the demon says, a smirk growing like mould across his face. “I created this timeline because I was bored and, sure, it was a half baked idea from the start, but I really think it will get more interesting if I clue you in on the game. And I’m telling you now because I was starting to get bored again.” 

Dan struggles through several beginnings of words before finally spitting out, “Game?” 

“I wanted to see what would happen if I swapped the memories of a certain someone across timelines. So I did that. The results have proved to be fascinating, but your part in the story has been a little lacking thus far.” 

All Dan can manage is a strangled sound of confusion. 

“Have you heard of Philip Michael Lester aka AmazingPhil?” 

Of course Dan had heard of Phil. There had been a stretch of time when Phil was an obsession for Dan. Then there were threats of homelessness if Dan didn’t get a job and a life outside that brown and tan room. Then there was a brown boy who introduced color into Dan’s life and their journey together was all consuming. Now he’s a guerilla model for Irin’s designs and, despite the portrayal of models lounging around and obsessively monitoring what they eat, it’s a very active and sometimes exhausting job. Dan hasn’t spared a thought for AmazingPhil in over a decade. 

  
“Look him up,” the demon says. “Seek him out. See what he’s up to. I think he would be  _ very _ interested in meeting you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE THE MOVIE HORNS OKAY!!!!! 
> 
> Don't judge my life choices... they're probably good ones.


	5. Commitment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "The literal other half"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Phil (canon verse)

Phil wakes up under a black and grey checked duvet. The air is cold and the light is dull on his face. He nuzzles into the neck near his face and tightens his grip around the waist beneath his arm, then freezes. 

The neck is too long, the waist is too slim and also too soft. The warmth is right, but the smell is wrong. There are no wild ringlets tickling his nose and the pillowcases are distinctly cotton, which is a big no no when paired with Santi’s hair. 

His eyes shoot open and he’s confronted by pale skin and short, loose, brown curls and freckles. Objectively not a bad sight, to be sure, but not right.

He struggles against the covers as he attempts to jump out of bed. He’s wearing some truly hideous emoji pajama bottoms with a ratty friend’s tshirt that’s too big. Despite the extra clothing, he’s still cold. It’s bloody freezing. 

“What the fuck.”

The now incredibly blurry figure sits up in bed and looks at him, mumbling something incoherent. Phil’s brain tries to process it and has no luck.

"Donde mierda estoy?"[1] he demands. The guy freezes. He looks at his blurry surroundings and isn’t helped by the grey morning light filtering through the blinds or the warm white fairy lights haloing the headboard and backlighting the figure on the bed. "Que carajo está pasando?"[2]

The figure moves to stand up and, based on the limited light, he’s at least wearing some form of pants. They’re black and they hug his body. His very tall body. The very tall body that is moving around the end of the bed and stretching.

"Quién cajaro sos?!"[3] he yells and the figure freezes again.

“What the fuck, Phil,” he says, rubbing his eyes. Probably. Phil really can’t see enough detail to know for sure, but he can guess. “Are you speaking Spanish? Why are you speaking Spanish? When did you _learn_ Spanish?” 

“Who are you?” Phil asks again. He tries to blink the blurriness away. “Why are you all fuzzy?” 

“Right, glasses,” Tall Guy mumbles, then turns back to pick something up off his bedside table. He shuffles back toward Phil and holds them out. Phil takes them and puts them on and everything comes into sharp focus. Which is weird. He hasn’t needed glasses in at least five years. 

He’s suddenly very distracted by the clear vision of a man in front of him. His eyes are puffy with sleep and his hair is a mess of sweaty curls. How is he sweating while Phil can feel his nipples freezing off? And his pants are… very tight. There’s a very clear outline of a semi-hard dick and it looks _delicious_. 

“Eyes up here, Phil,” Tall glass of water says. When Phil’s eyes make their way back up to his face, he sees a smirk that makes him very aware that he’s not wearing pants under his bottoms.

"Que bueno que estás,"[4] Phil says, taking a step closer. Tall, dark, and handsome sucks in a breath as Phil runs his hands over the _incredibly soft, incredibly warm_ stomach, up to his chest, flicking over brown nipples and watching them pebble. He leans forward until his lips ghost over an ear. "Como te entraría?"[5]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give me a minute to tell you how difficult it was to set up these footnotes: really difficult. 
> 
> 1Where the fuck am I?  
> ^
> 
> 2What the fuck is happening?  
> ^
> 
> 3Who the fuck are you?  
> ^
> 
> 4Boy, you are fine! (literally: How good you are.)  
> ^
> 
> 5What would it take to get you in bed? (literally: How would I get in you?)  
> ^


	6. Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "i wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

This must be a curse. Phil must be cursed. That’s the only way to explain how absolutely shit it is to look up your best friend and soulmate and see that they are a gender bending model. 

First of all: hot. Unfairly hot. Upsettingly hot. Phil is upset by how hot Dan looks in makeup and feminine clothing. Dan has always been an expert in dressing himself to look amazing and it turns out that, in this world, he’s not limited himself to men’s fashion… or black.

There are stripped back nude and cream tones, there are vibrant swatches, some of them organic, swirling patterns, some of them harsh and geometric and Dan looks good in Every. Single. One. 

Phil is very upset. He wants to put his mouth on him. 

Most of his photoshoots seem to happen in the parks and gardens surrounding London, Phil recognises a fountain from where they did some merch shoots, though a few have a backdrop of blue mountains and grassy fields. 

“Oh, I’ve heard of Irin!” Santiago says over his shoulder, causing Phil to jump. Then he’s reaching around Phil to click on an image of Dan with asymmetrical eyeshadow in yellow, green, and blue; lips painted a shining, wet red. “They’re a nonbinary designer who’s all about making affordable clothes that challenge gender roles. They started out with a single shop in London and grew so quickly there was a panic in department stores because their clothes weren’t allowed to be displayed under gendered sections.” 

The page that loads shows a spread of Dan in a knee-length linen button up embroidered with curvy, minimalistic patterns and thick-heeled blue boots with loose yellow socks bunched at the top of them. The backdrop is a regal, sculpted park with the occasional glimpse of a marble fountain. 

“Who’s the model?” Phil asks, attempting to sound casual. Santi looks at Phil with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. 

“Why? You interested?” 

Phil sputters for a second and the smirk turns into a grin. Santi looks back at the screen with a critical eye. He clicks around the website until he comes to Dan’s portfolio.

“Looks like they’re Irin’s partner and the unofficial face of the brand. Pronouns are they/them for Dan and Irin,” he says after scanning quickly through the bio. 

“Oh,” Phil says, eloquently. Santi’s eyes find Phil’s before he speaks.

“Would you be willing to share? Or are you feeling possessive about this one?” he says without a hint of jealousy or judgment. His face is open and neutral, like he’s totally fine with Phil thirsting after a stranger and Phil knows without a doubt that if he said he wanted Dan to himself, Santi would accept that without question. 

Phil looks back at the Dan on the screen. It’s unfair how good Dan looks and there’s that quietly confident stature that his Dan had just started showing the world in glimpses. It’s on full display here. Dan is comfortable with their body and their expression oozes vulnerability and sex. A black lacy shirt was the beginning of his Dan’s journey, but this Dan has fully arrived.

It twists something in Phil’s chest and he’s pulled in two directions again. On one hand, seeing Dan this relaxed and confident in their own skin makes Phil shine with pride. It makes him ache to be with Dan in a physical, visceral,  _ biological _ way. On the other hand… why couldn’t Phil make this happen so completely in his world? What could he have done differently to facilitate Dan’s growth? How could he have been better? 

A sick part of his mind had imagined that, without him, Dan would suffer more. Instead they seem to have found a space where they’re thriving and free with their expression. This Dan had permission to explore the limits of their identity and they blossomed. 

Phil is happy for them. Phil wants to put his mouth on them. 


	7. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "My life is in shambles, but my plants are thriving!"
> 
> Here ya go have some smut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

Ame is warm and purring on Dan’s lap. She’s an old lady now, but she’s still just as precious. This would usually be the time of day when they relax after a shower. They bury their fingers in her fur and scroll through twitter, then try to disappear into the bowels of tumblr, but they find themself staring at the turquoise accent wall of their apartment, waiting for Irin to get home and talk them down from… 

It has to have been a hallucination. There’s no other explanation. Well, none that makes sense. 

“Honey! I’m home!” Irin’s voice cuts through the fog of Dan’s musings, but doesn’t drag them from the depths of their mind. They don't surface until full lips press to their temple “Hello, lover.” 

Dan hums and takes the time to enjoy being pressed between the palm and cheek of their partner. Irin’s palm moves down, stroking lightly against the side of their neck then plunging down over the flat planes of their chest. Sparks fly over their skin like magic, gentle pressure move down as a nose nuzzles against their jaw, and lips follow, mouthing and sucking. A thumb circles a pebbled nipple and Dan lets their head fall back, exposing more skin for exploration. 

“I’ve missed you,” Irin says. They nip along Dan’s neck, then sooth with gentle lips. “Between your photoshoots and my negotiations, I don’t get enough time to express the depths of my affection for you.” Their chin comes to rest on Dan’s shoulder, while their fingers trace shapes on Dan’s stomach. Irin’s fingers travel back up, passing over both nipples and Dan is thoroughly distracted.

“Oh?” they breathe. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

When the touches stop and withdraw Dan whines wantonly at the loss. 

“Pari?”[6] Irin asks cautiously from behind them. 

Dan tilts their head back and sees a familiar flame flickering behind charcoal eyes gone black with desire. The pet name is familiar enough to trigger a shift in Dan immediately.

“Fuck yes,” she says, feeling her pulse pick up, lips parting around a gasp. Irin hums and disappears into the hallway for a few minutes before coming back.

“Be a good girl and go get dressed for me?” Irin asks, running a finger along Dan’s cheek. Dan nods and shivers as the finger travels down her neck. She gives Ame a scratch behind the ear, causing a chirrup, then shifts in a silent request for her to move. 

Dan lets her hips sway as she walks down the hallway. She stops at the door and pushes her joggers and pants off her hips, stepping out of them when they hit the floor, and smirking when she sees Irin lick their lips. Dan steps into the room and freezes. 

A fuzzy lavender scoop-neck jumper is laid out on the bed along with white ribbed stockings and a white silk suspender belt. Dan runs her fingers over the variety of textures, shivering in anticipation. She discards her shirt and wraps the belt around her waist, fastening the clasps then spinning it around until the little bow sits just above her belly button. She pulls the jumper on and soaks in the oversized cloud that tickles against her skin with every movement. She gathers the stocking until she can press her toes in, sliding it smoothly up to mid-thigh and fastening it with the clips. 

Dan stands and walks toward the full-length mirror leaning against the wall. The elastic of the belt makes her aware of every stutter in her breathing. The sensation of the jumper whispering across the very tops of her thighs, shifting against the wet tip of her cock. When she gets a glimpse of herself, she can’t help running her hands over her chest and down her thighs to emphasize the soft, tented material. The stockings and lack of pants make her legs look miles long. She moves her hands around to her bum, letting the fabric rise and her hip pop as her hands settle against the small of her back. She feels powerful, soft, sexy, and relaxed. Everything feels comfortable and she sighs into the feeling, sliding her hands around to hug herself. 

Slender fingers move across her covered stomach, pushing the fabric up, exposing her dick to the air. She shivers as Irin slides into place behind her, resting their cheek on her shoulder blade, then peeking over to look at Dan in the mirror.

“Beautiful,” they murmur, tracing circles on her stomach that go slowly lower. Her muscles twitch under their ministrations. “So beautiful for me, meri aashiqui.”[7]

Dan gasps and shivers, eyes locked where Irin’s hands are exploring the tops of her thighs, her cock swollen and aching. Irin moves a finger to slide over the leaking tip. Dan’s dick twitches.

“Already so wet for me, babe,” they whisper against the back of her neck. Their finger is swirling wetness around the tip. Dan leans into their touch, loving that she feels held despite being physically larger than her partner. 

“How do you want me, lover?” she breathes into the space around them. 

“Hmmm,” Irin takes a moment to consider. Dan breathes heavier with each silent second as the anticipation builds. “On the bed. On your back. Hold your knees so I can see that pretty hole of yours.” 

Their hands stroke back up her thighs and over her hips, gently pressing until she turns to them and bends down for a kiss. Their lips meet and move in soft presses as they make their way towards the bed. Dan sits and Irin’s hands move from her waist to cup her cheeks and press a chaste kiss to her forehead. Dan settles her shoulders against a pillow, pushing an extra one behind her head, then folding her thighs over her stomach. The suspender belt digs into her skin, pressing against her diaphragm. The stocking’s texture against her fingers sends a thrill up her spine. 

Curved and on display, sure of the blush spreading down her chest, Dan looks through her eyelashes. Irin’s gaze falls heavily where she feels most exposed, raking their eyes up until they’re staring at each other.

“Itni haseen,”[8] Irin murmurs, leaning in and placing kisses like butterflies from Dan’s knee to the stocking welt. Their mouth opens the moment they reach skin, licking and sucking as Dan shivers and squirms. Electricity sparks under the stimulated skin and soft sounds make their way around desperate gasps and the wet smack of lips. Dan’s eyes are focused on the messy bun blocking her view and her head falls back with a desperate groan when Irin’s teeth make contact, intensifying the pressure until she’s a leaking mess of whimpers.

Irin runs a hand up under the jumper to her chest as their mouth descends back onto Dan’s thigh, just above the mark they just made. The dual sensation of the lightest caress around one of her nipples and the biting suction high on her thigh has Dan breathing heavily and focusing on keeping a tight grip under her knees. She wants to wrap her thighs around Irin’s head, sink her fingers in their hair and pull their mouth where she’s hard and wanting. 

Irin taps a finger against the hand holding Dan’s knee and she releases the thigh they’re mottling, sighing and relaxing it onto the bed. Irin caresses over the bruises, then attaches their mouth to the skin laying over the tendon stretched taut at the join to her hip. Their teeth are gentle, but the area is so sensitive she cries out and Irin has to press to keep her thighs from snapping around their ears as her back arches off the mattress. The hand playing with her chest skirts its way up to rest at the base of her throat, a question. 

Dan whimpers, collapsing against the bed and grabbing Irin’s wrist and pulling their hand further up to rest just under her chin. They don’t press or squeeze, but the feeling has her eyelids fluttering and her chest heaving with the idea. It’s so distracting that she doesn’t notice Irin’s mouth has moved until they flick their tongue over her hole. 

She jumps and they press, cutting off her whine and air for a couple teasing flicks. The pressure releases as their tongue flattens to lick a long, wet stripe and Dan gasps, moaning obscenely on the exhale. 

They press and flick, release with a long lick, over and over again until Dan is a mumbling mess of shaking limbs and incoherent thoughts. Irin releases her throat and slides their hand down and out of the confines of the jumper and taps the hand still holding a knee up. Dan immediately releases and Irin guides her leg slowly to the bed, knee still slightly bent and resting to the side. They place a chaste kiss to one hip bone while running soothing circles over the other with their thumb. 

“You good, doll?” they ask quietly. Dan hum and smiles sleepily, appreciating the break and Irin checking in. She focuses on her breathing, checking to make sure it’s laboured for normal reasons. There’s a slight twinge in the muscles that were holding her knee to her chest, but it’s a welcome ache. Grounding. 

“Yes,” she sighs. “So incredibly good.” 

As soon as the words leave her, Irin descends their wicked mouth on Dan’s shaft. She screams as she’s enveloped in the wet heat of their mouth after so long without any stimulation. Her hands fly toward them, fluttering between hair, neck, and shoulders, unsure if she wants to bring them closer or push them away. They suck, running their pointed tongue along the underside until they get to the crown, where they lick from frenulum to slit. Dan’s hands have decided to fist in Irin’s hair as they swirl their tongue around the head like Dan’s dick is a lolly.

Dan babbles through the stimulation and suction, completely unintelligible outside the word ‘fuck’ and her partner’s name. The edge that Irin has been keeping her on starts to crumble and she tugs twice at their hair in warning. They pull off and move a hand over her while pushing the jumper further up her chest then Dan is screaming and coming, back arching off the bed enough to pull her head off the pillows, eyes rolling back, air gasped in and held as her orgasm washes through her a her chest and stomach are coated in her pleasure. 

“Fuck,” Irin says once she’s gasping back on the bed, boiling down to a simmer. “Where do you want it?” Dan looks down to see Irin kneeling between her legs, their hand flying over their cock, breath stuttering. She moves to look at Irin’s face, pleased to see their flush is visible through their darker skin. She runs a finger through the mess she made.

“On my stomach, with mine,” she purrs. Irin groans, leaning over to capture Dan’s lips in a messy kiss. Dan cups their jaw with both hands and when they pull away, she whispers. “Come for me, baby.” 

And they do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6Hindi: Angel  
> ^  
>    
>  7Hindi: My lover (feminine)  
> ^
> 
> 8Hindi: So ethereal  
> ^


	8. Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "I believe in you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Dan (Canon verse)

Phil is kissing him.

This would not normally be something of note. Phil tends to wake up… ready? Excited? Clingy? Nope, there’s no delicate way to put it. Phil wakes up horny. Almost always. 

So Phil kissing him with suddenly heated passion within minutes of waking up is incredibly common. Phil speaking spanish? Not so much. 

But it’s quite difficult to keep his confusion at the forefront of his mind when Phil’s lips are just so fucking enthralling. And while Dan is limited by a shirt, Phil has access to almost every square centimeter of Dan’s skin. If Dan has learned anything about Phil in the last decade it’s that his fingers? Just as distracting as his mouth. And Dan was currently under the attention of both of them. Phil sucked on Dan’s earlobe while caressing the crease between his thighs and bum before squeezing the latter and a moan cracked out of his throat. It took all his strength to resist his urge to pull Phil in, pushing him away and grabbing his wrists so those magical fingers couldn’t convince him he’d made a mistake. 

He had. He already regrets it. 

“Phil,” he says. It comes out hoarse and wanton, but he clears his throat and shakes his head. Then he realises he doesn’t really know what to say. There are too many questions about the way Phil woke up and his reactions to Dan. Also, shaking his head did very little to convince his gay monkey brain to stop fixating on how soft and wet Phil’s lips look or how his ears have gone red like they do when he’s particularly into their bedroom activities. Not that he’s ever  _ not _ into their bedroom activities. His ears are just a good indicator that he’s really excited to try something. Which… is also strange. Nothing about the way they were just interacting was particularly new. 

Not that their sex life wasn’t exciting or anything, but they’d been feeling each other up for over a decade. Phil’s ears usually went red when they planned a scene or tried some roleplaying. Phil’s ears had gone red when he was taking pictures in the lace shirt for instagram. Phil’s ears had gone red when Dan presented him with a flogger. Phil’s ears had gone red when they snuck a kiss in a starbucks toilet. Not even a full makeout session. Dan just pecked him on the lips while they were washing their hands. So maybe it didn’t take much to make Phil’s ears turn red, but the common thread was that Phil’s ears turn red when they’re trying something  _ new _ . 

“Yes?” Phil says, raising a skeptical brow. Okay, two brows. He can’t raise just one brow, but Dan knows that he was trying. “You’re not planning to murder me or anything, right?” 

“Um, no?” 

“I would certainly prefer you didn’t.”

“Spanish, though, Phil. You were speaking Spanish.”

“Sí, señor.” 

“How?” Dan squeaks. Like, actually squeaks. Phil seems confused, but not by the alarming decibel of Dan’s voice.

“Because I live in Argentina?” Phil is looking at Dan like it’s an obvious thing, but it’s not. It’s really not.

“We live in London, Phil,” Dan says slowly, trying to quell the rising panic in his chest.

“We?” Phil says. He’s smiling like he does when he knows Dan is telling a joke, but he’s decided to go along with it. When Dan doesn’t respond, Phil’s face morphs into concern. “You and I? Who are you?”

Dan doesn’t believe in souls, but knows Phil is his soulmate. He doesn’t believe in fate, but knows they’re meant to be together. Forever. When he didn’t believe in himself, Phil did. Dan takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. 

“My name is Dan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaayyyyyy!!!! We're still trucking! Well... training... but that doesn't sound correct.... (hahahahahahaha!!! Ben that's such a funny joke omg peak pun material right there I stan ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!)


	9. Horror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "Not clickbait"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

AmazingPhil does not live in London. So  _ why the fuck _ is he tweeting from London? And so soon after Dan got the talk from Dan. Or not Dan. Not the character from Horns as played by Famous Actor Daniel Radcliffe. The demon. Whatever. It can’t be a coincidence. 

Irin’s grip around their waist tightens and they nuzzle into the back of Dan’s neck with a sigh before looking over their shoulder at Dan’s phone. 

“Oh, they’re pretty,” they say sleepily, settling their cheeks together. 

“Yeah, um… he’s- he was teen Dan’s idol for a hot minute,” Dan says. 

He’d posted a selfie on Twitter. Phil leaning over Santiago’s shoulder with a close-lipped smile in front of a Starbucks that looks vaguely familiar. Phil is wearing a horror-inducingly hideous jumper that’s black with purple and orange stripes. Dan supposes it’s seasonally appropriate, but it’s not flattering and it looks itchy. He and Santiago are holding Pumpkin Spice Lattes. The text above the image reads:  _ I’m in London (Not Clickbait) _ . 

Dan’s mind is blank. Partially because they met a demon yesterday. Partially because AmazingPhil is in their immediate vicinity. Partially because the endorphins from their orgasm last night have lowered their boiling thoughts down to a simmer. 

“Babe?” Irin says. Dan comes back to awareness to realise the phone screen has gone dark. How long have they been staring at a black phone screen? “Are you alright?” Twitter pings at them.

_ @AmazingPhil followed you!  _ Dan’s mind stalls. 

“What the fuck.”

_ @AmazingPhil has sent you a message! _

“What the fuck?”

_ Hey!  _

The little dots pop up in their grey bubble. They disappear and pop up over and over again, sometimes hanging around for a couple minutes sometimes disappearing within a second. After watching them dance around on the screen for a while, they disappear and don’t show up again. 

“Well,” Irin says, then presses their lips to Dan’s shoulder. “That was quite the ride. Are you going to write back?” 

Dan groans, dropping their phone and pressing their face into the pillow. They feel giddy and anxious and slightly boneless and they’re naked in bed with their equally naked, beautiful partner. 

“What would I even say? Why is he messaging me now? Why is he messaging me at all? What the fuck is my life?” they lament into the pillow. Irin chuckles breathily and moves to get up. Dan turns to peek an eye out at them. “Where are you going?” they pout.

“Coffee,” they say with a sleepy smile. 

“Nooooooo don’t leave meeeeee!” Dan says. Twitter pings again and Dan fumbles toward their phone while Irin chuckles on the way out of their room. “Shut up.” 

“Let me know if he’s just thirsty or hungry for the whole snack,” Irin says, laughing teasingly from the direction of the kitchen.

“I hate you!” Dan yells back.

“You love me!” 

“Only if you bring me coffee, bitch!”

“Come out and get it, fuckface!” 

“That’s it. I’m leaving you for Phil!”

Irin’s laugh echoes through the flat and Dan’s fumbling fingers finally manage to get his DMs open. 

_ this is santi, i stole phils phone cause  _

_ hed really like to meet you but doesnt kno  _

_ how to ask. would you like to go on a  _

_ double date with me and phil? _

_ phil and i* _

Dan sends the message on autopilot then immediately feels like the biggest dick on the face of the earth and frantically types.

_ haha sorry yes i would love to let me  _

_ just talk to my partner about when we _

_ might be able to make that happen _

“Babe?” 

“Yeah?” 

“You want to go on a double date with Phil and Santiago?”

Silence. Then Irin’s footsteps plod quickly until they’re standing in the doorway looking at Dan like he just casually mentioned his connection to the smurf mafia.  Dan stares back with thinly veiled panic. 

“Well?!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would it be helpful if I mention explicitly which Dan/Phil is POV for each chapter? lmk


	10. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "Don't trust people who tell other people your secrets"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

“I’m very upset with you.”

“You’ve said.”

Phil huffs, glaring at the ground. He’s not actually upset with Santi. Okay, he is a bit, but he’s mostly upset that he was too nervous and overwhelmed to say anything more than ‘hey’ to Actual Model Dan Howell. Even that had been an accident. He was fully planning to type out more when his stupid thumb slipped and sent out the greeting. Then he panicked for several minutes and Santi sent him to go take a relaxing bath and when he came back, they were going on a double date. 

Phil’s upset because his feelings toward Dan feel like a secret that he should be keeping and Santi blabbed to Dan about it. He’s also relieved, if a bit salty, that Santi was able to get Dan to agree to a meetup so easily. 

“Like… really, really quite upset.”

Santi snorts. “Well it worked, didn’t it?” 

Phil pouts. He pushes his hands into his coat pocket and shivers. It was warmer yesterday despite the leaves turning red and yellow on the trees, but today it feels cold and the wind whips right through him. It feels bizarre to be cold when he knows that it’s not a very chilly day in London. In his London, with his Dan, this would be the kind of weather that might make him switch from a tshirt to a flannel, but with a body that’s accustomed to the Argentinian sun he’s bundled up and still shivering. 

A particularly sharp gust of wind pulls the loosest leaves off their branches and they flutter through the air and onto the pavement around them. It’s a beautifully familiar sight and sensation, but feels foreign on his skin like a distant memory. 

He’s not losing his memory of his Dan, his London. The memory of it all is still a fresh taste on his tongue. At the same time the memory of this world, this life with Santi in Argentina, is slowly growing more vibrant around it. The dual memories lining up and cuddling close next to each other like daffodils and tulips growing in the same garden: neither emphasising nor overwhelming the other. 

“What if he doesn’t like me?”

“Who?”

“Dan.” Phil chews on his bottom lip. Santi slips a hand into Phil’s coat pocket and links their fingers together with a reassuring squeeze. 

“First of all, Dan better like you because you’re amazing. Pun intended,” Santi says with a smirk. Phil huffs despite his nerves. “Second of all, they/them pronouns, Phil. I raised you better than that.” It’s a gentle tease meant to prod him in the right direction, but it twists him up inside. He shakes his head.

“Yeah. Right. Shit. I’m going to fuck this up.” Phil sighs, running his free hand through his quiff and probably fucking that up too. “Are you sure we can’t invent some Norman-related emergency and run back to Argentina?” Phil says, looking over. 

“No can do, my dude,” Santi says, then his face lights up. “Oh my dog, there they both are! Fuck they’re even more beautiful in person!” 

Phil rushes to look for them and his eyes are assaulted by Dan in a canary yellow trenchcoat and Irin in a cobalt bomber jacket. Their arms link together and Dan’s eyes are laughing above his -- no  _ their - _ \- black, lace-lined face mask. Irin’s mask is a De Stijl print whose blue and yellow match both of their jackets. 

They look so polished and fashionable together. Phil wants to put his mouth on both of them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not trying to say that Santi isn't trustworthy. He is. I would trust him with my life. Phil's just in a... very awkward position. Meeting your soulmate for the first time in an alternate reality is an impossible task. Santi's just trying his best to help out, but he has no way of knowing what's going on... yet O.O


	11. Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Phil (Canon verse)

Tall glass of water -- Dan -- is quietly attentive and outwardly calm through the phone calls and doctor’s visits. He provides a blue mask for Phil and dons a black mask that says  _ I’d rather be at home _ in squiggly print. It’s almost the colours of the trans pride flag, but it’s not nearly as colourful as his rainforest merch and now all he can think about is Santi and Norman. He wants to go home, but he doesn’t know what that means in this context. He knows that he’s technically in his own home and he feels the same sense of safety here with Dan and (fish) Norman that he feels with Santi and (dog) Norman. The jumble of feelings is incredibly overwhelming and he misses so much. 

He misses Santi’s rough stubble in the morning. He misses the fluffy mass of Norman plopping on his face. He misses the familiar comfort and the easy separation that is such an integral part of his life in Argentina. They lift each other up and support each other unconditionally, but lead their own lives and flourish in their own careers. He wishes with his entire being to be back there, where things are safe and comfortable, but he’s slowly remembering things about his life here in London and Dan…

In all of these memories Dan is a constant force of nature. Whether he’s in the depths of a depressive spiral or high from the endorphins of a run or sex, he’s a storm swirling around Phil’s life; a strike of lightning cutting through mundanity. Dan’s presence washes him clean of anxiety and keeps Phil safe. 

He’s not perfect, but he doesn’t pretend to be and he makes space for Phil’s imperfections to surface without judgement. They work through things together. They work on things together and sometimes that means they clash and disagree, but they’re always,  _ always _ there for each other.

It’s so different from his relationship with Santi. Santi and Phil are two independent people, who have separate jobs and separate families, but they always come together at the end of the day. They wake up with each other in the morning and choose to come home and snuggle up together at night. Every moment together is a conscious choice and it isn’t always an easy one. 

With Dan there wasn’t an option. It started that way, but the pull between them was too strong to stay apart, then their jobs necessitated they stay together for over a decade. Eleven years after their first touch and they are still constantly touching. Their lives are intertwined, tangled, completely inseparable.

As it all comes back to him, finding life beside the overlapping memories of the timeline he first knew, he can’t help but appreciate the man he found here. Daniel James Howell: best friend, arch enemy, husband, business partner, partner in crime, soul mate, just mate, whatever he is to Phil; he’s home. They’ve made a home together. 

He’s also got a great dick. 


	12. Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "funeral up top, party from the waist down"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Dan (Canon verse)

“This is a perfectly valid quarantine fashion choice,” Dan says, flipping a pancake (with a spatula because the potential pride of a successful flip isn’t worth the likely mess when he fails.)

“It’s a blatant attempt to get me to oogle your bum,” Phil says from his station in front of the electric kettle, watching bubbles form. 

“Is it working?” Dan smirks when Phil’s eyes are immediately drawn to his bare bum. It seems to take him a lot of effort to lift his eyes to Dan’s face. 

“What?” Phil says with a blink.

Pre-coffee Phil is incredibly fun to fuck with. Dan’s jumper is definitely long enough to cover his arse, or at least most of it, but his gourmet geek apron is keeping his front half safe. Why would he waste this opportunity to be a bit of a nudist in the comfort of his own home? Also, Phil’s inability to keep his eyes up is doing wonders for Dan’s ego. 

“If that’s a fashion choice: what is it called?” 

“Wow, Phil, that was an incredibly complex sentence for you to come up with before your daily dose of caffeine.”

“Deflecting,” Phil grunts teasingly. Dan smiles as he removes the finished pancake and ladles another into the pan. Once that’s cooking, Dan takes his time to consider his outfit.

“Funeral up top, party from the waist down,” he says with a decisive nod. Phil hums then the kettle’s beep distracts him. Phil prepares his instant coffee with as much enthusiasm as he can possibly be in the morning. It looks lethargic and unbalanced from Dan’s perspective. 

“Not that I’m disagreeing, but how is nudity a party?” Phil says, cupping his mug up near his face. Phil’s eyes sparkle with an inhale of the steamy promise of caffeine. Dan flips a pancake.

“It’s called a birthday suit for a reason, Phil,” Dan says, waving his spatula at Phil.

“Is it still a birthday suit if your top half is dressed?” Phil mulls the question over with freudian haughtiness. “Would it be called birthday trousers? Or going commando?”

“No, ‘going commando’ suggests the presence of trousers alongside the absence of pants,” Dan says, replacing a finished cake with batter. “If you’re trying to simplify the terminology then calling it ‘being pantsless’ is probably best.” 

“Ass out for the lads.”

“Just one lad.”

“And what a lucky lad I am.” 

Phil’s familiar smile after a week of uncertainty and slow return to their usual soothes the anxiety Dan has been tamping down in favour of caring for Phil. Dan takes a shaky breath, then curses at the smell of burning batter. He pulls the pan off the hob, but hadn’t figured out what he was going to do with it and in the ensuing chaos he manages to melt part of the bin bag and burn his hand. 

He’s swearing and waving the hand in the air when coffee-warmed fingers wrap around his wrist and pull his hand under the sink, turning on the tap for him. Dan shifts a bit so the stream flows over his burn and sighs in relief. 

Phil returns with burn cream and a variety of plasters. He takes Dan’s hand from under the tap and uses gentle fingers to pat the reddened area dry, smoothing cream over it, and covers it with a plaster and a soft kiss. 

Dan turns back to the hob, but it’s been turned off. Dan is suddenly overwhelmed by the feeling that he’s failing. Phil is taking care of him despite unexplained memory loss that has left them both scrambling to keep up with everything they’ve been working toward for months. 

Then Phil taps on his shoulder and his face is full of nothing but love and concern. Phil opens his arms and Dan goes without a fight, trying to breathe his way back to serenity. Surrounded by the scent of strawberries and Phil, he’s pretty sure he’ll get there. 

Phil presses a kiss to his temple and squeezes his ass. Dan laughs and holds him closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where it starts to get interesting cause I've officially caught up with what I wrote in advance... I have the day off tomorrow, so... here's hoping my muse is feeling chatty. XD


	13. Lucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "What kind of bloody peasant do you take me for?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

Philip Michael Lester is bloody beautiful. His jet black hair is pushed back off his forehead, making him a study in contrast. His eye colour changes as he shifts in the sunlight. He’s also very tall. 

It’s always been odd, being able to look someone in the eye. Dan knows they’re not exceptionally tall, but they and Phil are tall enough that most people have to look up to make eye contact. 

Phil doesn’t have to look up and Dan doesn’t have to look down. The mental image of them meeting and melding their bodies together overwhelms their brain for a minute. Phil’s fingers seem to twitch toward Dan before he shoves them into the pockets of his jeans. Something near Dan’s stomach pulls as Phil drops his gaze to the ground between them. 

It’s a lot. Dan is feeling a lot of things. And most of it doesn’t make sense. 

“Dan, Irin, I’m Santiago, but you can call me Santi.” He does a bashful wave before gesturing to Phil. “And this is Mr. Amazing himself, Phil Lester.” Phil snorts, bumping Santi’s shoulder gently.

Irin looks at Dan expectantly, which makes sense because Dan was the one who pushed for them to meet and came up with the plans for the day. Dan stares back at them, hoping their face isn’t showing the full force of Dan’s internal panic. Irin’s eyes smile reassuringly. Dan is so lucky to have such an attentive partner.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both,” Irin says. 

“Ditto,” Phil says.

“Ghost!” Dan’s mouth decides to say. They can feel themself flush, suddenly very thankful that their mask is there to hide their embarrassment. “I mean, like, that’s from the movie  _ Ghost _ starring Patrick Swayze.” They look at Irin for help, but the bastard is doing that smirk they do when Dan’s being a bumbling idiot. Dan can’t see the turn of their lips, but they know it’s there and they glare a bit. 

Phil’s eyes smile over his frankly ridiculous sloth patterned mask. A gust of wind cools the nervous sweat from Dan’s palms, but Phil shivers. 

“Fuck, it’s freezing,” Phil mutters. “This is embarrassing. I’m from the North, but I can’t even handle a southern fall?” 

“How the mighty have fallen,” Dan says. Then a fat drop of rain plops right between Phil’s eyes. 

“My glabella!” Phil cries as his whole face scrunches up. “I’m being attacked by nature!” 

Dan looks up at the steadily darkening sky and makes an executive decision. 

“So it looks like the outdoor picnic is a bust-”

“Wow! Who’d have thunk! I think mayhap there is an app that predicts the weather, but only fools would check such a thing before attempting an outdoor event in London!” Irin says in their best posh accent. 

“But I have this lovely basket of picnic materials with enough food for at least eight people,” Dan says, pleading (and whining a bit) in Irin’s direction. They stare at each other for a moment before Irin sighs. Dan pumps their fist in triumph before Irin can get the words out.

“How would you lovely gentlemen like to join us for an indoor picnic at our flat?” 

“Do you have ribena?” Phil asks shyly.

“Of course!” Dan says, affronted. “What kind of bloody peasant do you take me for? Do I have ribena.”


	14. Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "exclusive content: murder"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

“Why isn’t one of the murder weapons a book? There’s a whole library in the mansion and you could definitely bash someone’s head in with a hardcover.” Phil rolls and moves into the library.

Dan snorts into his glass of rosé. 

“Why would you use a book when there’s a sturdy candlestick on hand? It’s heavier, has sharp edges, and it’s easier to wield and  _ much  _ easier to clean.” Dan rolls and has just enough moves to use the secret passageway from the lounge to the conservatory.

“But a book would be easier than some rope. Hanging someone is very loud and takes more prep than you really have time for in a scenario where you’re trying to get away with murder.” Phil takes a drink of his butterbeer-inspired cocktail, humming at the sweet butterscotch and smokey scotch flavours left on his tongue. 

“A valid point, Phil,” Irin says, rolling and moving into the dining room. “But what you lack is imagination. For instance, you could use the rope to trip the butler down the stairs or through a window. Mrs. Peacock, with the rope, in the dining room:  _ Je m’accuse _ !” they say, tipping over their piece and watching it roll over into the kitchen, then swallowing down the rest of the whiskey in their tumbler. 

“It’s a good thing this isn’t a game where you lose if you’re the killer,” Dan says. “Is that your official accusation, or just a guess?” 

“That is my official accusation. I’m guilty and I did it with the rope in the dining room,” Irin preens like they are the embodiment of Mrs. Peacock. Their forest green u-neck tee, embroidered with golden suggestions of peacock feathers, adds to the idea in Phil’s mind. Irin picks up the sealed envelope from the center of the board and peaks at the cards before tossing them down, trumpeting their victory and pumping a fist excitedly. 

Dan and Santi yawn at exactly the same time, laughing when they notice each other. They clink their wine glasses together in a silent toast and finish their glasses. Irin stands and fetches the bottle from the breakfast bar, topping them both back off. 

“Where were you two planning to stay tonight?” Irin asks as they settle back down beside their partner, leaning their head on Dan’s shoulder. 

Phil feels a flash of jealousy that burns out before it has a chance to catch. This isn’t his world. Dan isn’t his boyfriend. To Dan, Phil is a stranger. Loneliness aches behind Phil’s eyes. He rubs his glabella in an attempt to ward off either the headache or tears that threaten to bloom. 

“We were planning to find a hotel room for a couple days,” Santi offers when Phil stays silent. “This trip was a bit last minute, so we haven’t booked anything in advance.” 

“Headache?” Dan’s voice cuts through the conversation and Phil looks up at them. 

“Maybe, yeah,” he admits, feeling a bit caught out.

“I’ll fetch some paracetamol.” Dan hops up and is out of the room before Phil can protest. 

“Back to the topic of where you’re staying,” Irin says casually. “We have a guest room that’s been feeling neglected.” 


	15. Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "no good sir, for I have the power (of triangles)"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Phil (canon verse)

“Okay,” Phil says to himself. “I can do this.”

He takes a deep breath, fist poised in front of the door.

“I can’t do this.”

“Yes you can, Phil,” Dan’s voice says from inside the room, causing Phil to jump. “Whatever it is, I know you can do it! I believe in you!” Phil exhales and opens the door into the office of their flat where Dan is sat, reading an email on the computer. 

“Dan,” Phil says. Dan looks at him. Phil looks back, unable to make words happen. Dan’s eyebrows slowly lift. The corner of Dan’s mouth quirks up. Phil keeps looking and not making words.

“Phil,” Dan says, fully smiling for a moment then scrunching his eyebrows and pursing his lips. “Is everything okay?” 

“I’m fine,” Phil squeaks out. He clears his throat and tries again. “Everything is okay, but there’s something I want to- there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay,” Dan says slowly, turning his chair so they’re fully facing each other. “That doesn’t sound ominous at all.” 

“It’s not!” Phil says quickly. “Ominous, I mean. It’s not ominous, just a bit… strange.”

“Phil,” Dan says seriously. “You’re a bit strange and I’ve never, for a single second of my cursed existence, been put off by anything about you.” 

“Right,” Phil says, nodding and shoving his hands in his pockets. “Of course, yeah. Right. Um.” He struggles to form words.

“Here, sit down.” Dan walks over to the futon and sits, patting the spot beside him. Phil obeys. Takes a deep breath. Exhales. 

“I’m not from this universe,” Phil says quickly as if that will make it sound better. It does not. “Well, I think this body is from this universe and I’m slowly remembering things about this universe, but when I woke up that one morning and was talking Spanish that was because I went to sleep in my universe and woke up in this one next to you and I was confused because in my universe we didn’t ever meet. Like, I didn’t even know your name until you told it to me and I know  _ now _ that we’ve been together for over a decade, but in my universe I’m married to a trans man from Argentina, which is where we live with a corgi-mix named Norman - which is a confusing yet adorable crossover, by the way - so yeah. That’s… that’s why I’ve been acting strangely.”

Dan stares at Phil, lips parted and eyes wide. Phil tries not to fidget. He fails, fingers tapping on his thighs, leg jiggling, shifting his bum closer to the edge of the futon, poised for a quick escape. 

“You think I’m crazy. This was a bad - I shouldn’t have said anything. Forget I said anything. I’ll just -” Phil starts to stand, but Dan catches his wrist and Phil plops back down, looking at his knees. “I’m not crazy,” he whispers.

“You’re not crazy. I’m processing.” Dan slips his hand down to intertwine their fingers, squeezing gently. “So… what am I doing, then. In your world?” 

“I think - okay -” Phil sighs. “It’s all a little fuzzy and confusing, because, like… I literally didn’t know you in my world. But like… I feel like I’m getting secondhand memories of things that are happening there now? And I think, like… your Phil has sought you out? Or he’s sought out the version of you that exists in my world. It’s- it’s really hard to grasp what exactly is happening and I don’t know why-” Phil growls in frustration, pushing his free hand through his hair and gripping at the roots. 

“So is this like… a power that Phils have?” Dan asks, nothing but open curiosity on his face. “To brainswap or something?” 

“I don’t know? Maybe?” Phil looks over at Dan, brows furrowed. “You’re taking this much better than I thought you would. I mean, I assumed you would check me into a mental facility or something.”

“Yeah, that’s- that’s probably something I would usually do. Or, like, take you back to hospital and get you in to see a psychiatrist or something, but like… it makes sense?” 

“That I have the power to swap brains over dimensions?” 

“Yes?”

“Oh,” Phil says, nodding. “Oh, okay. Cool.”


	16. Pyjama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "We are not a family of 10"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

Phil makes pancakes for breakfast… way too many pancakes. Dan says the thing. They look at each other, shocked. 

Dan wakes up to the unmistakable smell of pancakes. Dan hums as their eyes open to see Irin starfished across the bed in all their naked glory. How Irin is more accustomed to cold English nights is beyond Dan, but waking up to a naked lover is amazing. They press lazy kisses across brown shoulders, fingertips leaving gooseflesh in their wake. Irin grumbles. 

“D’you make pancakes?” they mumble into the pillow. 

“No?” 

Irin lifts their head from the pillow in alarm and they both scramble to get out of bed. Dan gets to the door more quickly, as they’re covered by their pyjamas, and rushes toward the kitchen.

Phil looks up at the commotion and smiles sheepishly.

“Good morning,” he says, shifting a pancake from the pan to a plate. A plate that has about twenty pancakes already on it. He ladles some batter onto the pan, swirling it around before turning back to the monstrosity beside him and adding a dollop of golden syrup and spreading it out with a butterknife. 

“Jesus, Phil. We’re not a family of ten!” Dan says, then pauses. “Deja vu.”

Phil laughs a bit more enthusiastically than is probably warranted and doesn’t turn to look at Dan.

“Also, why on earth are you adding toppings already?” Dan says. Phil glances back toward Dan who gets a quick peek at rosy cheeks before Phil’s turned back to the hob.

“There was an episode of bakeoff where they made a pancake cake,” Phil starts, dusting the syrup with caster sugar. “I wasn’t sure how long it would be until you all woke up and it felt weird to just sit around and do nothing when you and Irin were kind enough to let us stay over, so I went to the shops and got all the ingredients - oh, everything is vegan, by the way, I looked up the recipe - then I came back and had Santi let me back in and I made the batter. 

“I let it chill for a bit, but I got impatient so I started making them before I remembered that they’re best fresh, but by then I had already made about five of them and I was on a roll, so I panicked a bit then I remembered that episode of bakeoff - aaaaand I’m rambling. Um. Yeah. So… I made pancakes?” Phil finally takes a breath. Dan smiles and shakes his head, feeling overwhelmingly fond.

“How long have you been up?” Dan asks, rubbing their eyes in an attempt to banish sleepiness from them. 

“Um…” he looks around for a clock. “A couple of hours?” Dan follows his gaze to the clock. It’s not even eight am.

“Well, thank you, Phil,” they say genuinely. Then Irin’s rushing into the room in one of Dan’s oversized shirts. It comes to mid-thigh for Dan, but reaches Irin’s knees. “Hi babe.” 

Irin is still bleary-eyed with sleep and Dan has a feeling that they’re going commando under their shirt. Irin looks from Phil’s back to Dan’s face with wide-eyed confusion. 

“Am I the last one up?” Santi asks from the hallway. He’s shirtless with a maroon satin hair wrap and black sweatpants. 

Dan points to the giant plate of pancakes.

“Amazing Pancake Cake,” they say. Phil huffs out of his nose. 


	17. Dailybooth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "everything will be fine"
> 
> I did not intend for this to be smut. The boys had different plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Dan (canon verse)

“Like a quiz show!” Phil says from his place on the futon.

“Yes, but in theory you know all this stuff, if only vaguely. So it’s like a quiz show that you studied for.” Dan readies the slideshow he prepared over the week since Phil’s confession, hunched in his gaming chair in front of the computer. 

“More like a quiz show for an oracle,” Phil says with a hum. “It’s like… I remember things as I learn about them, but when I try to grasp the memories without context they slip through my fingers.” 

Thus began their weird journey into Phil’s mind. 

“So, we’ve been through those first interactions on youtube and twitter, but do you remember the dailybooth days?” Dan asks, swiveling in his chair to face Phil.

“I am immediately turned on, but I have no idea why,” Phil says. Dan guffaws, turning to look at Phil in bewilderment.

“Wow, I mean, that makes sense, but… wow.” 

“No, I mean, I got an instant boner. That kind of turned on. Also I want to suck your dick. Quite ardently.”

Dan stares at Phil, slack-jawed and wide-eyed. 

“May I?” Phil asks, head tilted and eyes sincere. 

“What?” 

“May I suck your dick?” 

Dan’s brain shortcircuts at the bluntness of the request. He manages a nod and Phil stumbles with how quickly he moves from the futon to kneel in front of Dan, his fingers frantically tugging at Dan’s now clearly tented joggers. Dan pushes his bum off the ergonomic chair and shivers as the cool air hits his skin, his dick jumping to attention against his stomach. 

Phil grabs the base, eyes locked with Dan’s, and Dan gasps. Then, Phil leans forward and swirls his tongue around the head once, twice, three times before he wraps his lips around him and sucks his way down to where his fist is tightly wrapped. He moves his mouth and hand in tandem up and down Dan’s cock, letting his spit drool down to slick the movement of his hand, never blinking away from Dan’s eyes. He flattens and swirls his tongue in turns, licking sloppily at the shaft before putting Dan's cock inside the wet heat of his mouth. Phil pulls off suddenly, looking away from Dan with a curious expression. Dan whines at the sudden loss, his dick twitching in Phil’s still hand. 

“This is so weird because the weight of your dick in my mouth is so incredibly familiar, but I also feel like this is the first time I’m giving you head,” Phil says. He looks up at Dan like he’s solving a puzzle in his mind. 

“Fuck, your mouth,” is Dan’s intellegent and coherent reply.

“That’s the idea.” Phil smirks as Dan’s eyes fly wide open. He gasps as Phil starts moving in again, but….

“Can I?” Dan asks breathlessly

“Fuck my mouth?” Phil says, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He looks positively sinful with wet lips and rosy cheeks. “ _ Si _ . Stand up. You can pull on my hair as hard as you like. Just go slow if you want to fuck down my throat. I take a bit to adjust.”

“Fuck.” Dan stands and Phil rises up onto his knees, releasing Dan’s cock and opening his mouth, tongue covering his bottom teeth. 

“Fuck.” Dan stares down at the image of Phil so willing, ears pink in anticipation. When he doesn’t move, Phil grabs his left hand, moving it to the crown of his head. Dan’s fingers card through the quiff before grasping hard at the strands. Phil gasps with a shudder, eyelids fluttering closed for a moment at the sensation, mouth falling opening even further. 

Phil attempts to move forward, but Dan tightens his grip to keep him still. Phil moans, his eyes open wide and his body relaxing, pliant. Dan positions his dick between Phil’s lips, rubbing the frenulum over the flat expanse of Phil’s tongue. His eyes flick between Phil’s mouth and his eyes, looking for any sign of uncertainty. There’s none to be found. 

Dan thrusts shallowly, letting go when Phil sucks around him, keeping him in place. He enjoys how Phil allows himself to be pushed and pulled by the grip in his hair, eyes hungry. There’s a movement below him as Phil attempts to sneak a hand into his briefs and an impulse takes hold of Dan. He pulls out of Phil’s mouth and his eyes flick to where Phil’s hand has frozen. 

“Did I say you could touch yourself?” Dan asks, a bit more breathless than commanding. Phil shivers, his eyes closing. Dan tightens his grip in Phil's hair, forcing his head back and exposing his neck. He leans down and mouths and bites over the taut skin there. Phil whines and squirms and moans as Dan’s mouth moves to Phil’s ear. Dan brushes his fingertips over the wrist attempting to disappear as he whispers directly into Phil’s ear, “Did I?” 

“No, sir,” Phil whispers. Dan cuts off a moan and straightens up waiting until Phil’s eyes open. 

“Hands on your thighs. Only good boys get to come.” His voice sounds more steady than he feels. He waits until Phil’s palms are flat against legs before guiding himself back to Phil’s mouth. He works himself slowly in and out, going deeper and deeper each time. Phil’s eyes are wide and just starting to water. His hands fist around his thumbs, clenched on his thighs as Dan slowly opens his throat. Serenity creeps over Phil’s face, eyes glazing over and hooded. 

Phil doesn’t gag once as Dan works himself in to the hilt, grunting at the overwhelming tightness swallowing around him. Phil tugs his head back and Dan allows him to pull away to gasp. 

“Come down my throat, Dan,” he says breathlessly. Dan groans, pulling Phil closer. He goes willingly and Dan steadily speeds up, pulling off every few thrusts so Phil can breathe, until he’s pulsing down Phil’s throat, holding him there. Phil sucks and swallows around Dan until he pulls out slowly and falls to his knees. Dan pulls Phil out of his joggers and bends down to mouth at the head of his cock.

“Come for me, Phil.” He sucks all the way down in one go. Phil cries out, panting and murmuring incoherently as Dan sets a relentless pace. 

“Fuck, Dan,  _ si _ . Fuck please, ah ah aha,  _ si _ , _ así _ ,” Phil gasps and groans in turns, hands splayed flat on the ground behind him to give Dan more room. “Oh. Oh my god,  _ fuck _ . I’m coming,  _ fuck _ . Dan I’m coming.”

Dan sucks at the head, jerking Phil’s shaft all the way through his orgasm. Soon it gets too much and Phil pushes at Dan’s forehead but Dan licks into the slit one last time before pulling off. He meets Phil’s eyes before swallowing and Phil lunges at him.

They spend about an hour making out on the floor. It’s not very ergonomic, but they don’t give a single fuck. 

Yeah. Everything will be alright.


	18. Stranger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "We look better in each other's clothes"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

“Phil is interested in me.” 

“Yes.”

“And you are interested in Irin and me.”

“Yes.”

Dan looks to Irin for their reaction. They don’t look nearly as shocked as Dan feels. They seem to be contemplating, eyes unfocused. It feels strange. Their guests still feel like strangers, but the idea is certainly an attractive one. They have both mentioned the idea, but neither had found anyone suitable. 

“Of course, interest is not intent. I am letting you know the interest is there. What you do with that information is up to you,” Santi says with a kind smile. The sound of the shower cuts off and Santi stands with a stretch and a groan. “Phil takes too long to get ready for the day and I want to shower, so I’m going to forcefully banish him from the bathroom.” Santi chuckles to himself and starts to head out of the room. When he gets to the entrance of the hallway, he pauses. 

“Irin,” Santi says with a shy look over his shoulder. “Um. If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, could you… I mean would you be willing to-” Santi sighs, pushing his hair wrap off his head and shaking out his curls. His skin is not quite dark enough to hide his blush. 

“Could you give me some advice on how to dress more femininely?” Santi says barely louder than a whisper. Dan turns just in time to see Irin’s face transform into the appraising look he gets when he’s trying to decide how to dress a new model. 

“I think we might have similar measurements, though most of my things will be long on you,” Irin says. Their eyes light up and Dan smiles. “I think I might have just the thing. You shower and I’ll get your outfit ready.” Irin is already up and walking toward the hallway, on a fashion mission. Santi’s smile is radiant. 

“Thank you.” Santi turns and jumps with a laugh. “Hey, Fe.” Phil tries to sneak into the guest room when Irin stops him with a gentle hand to his wrist. 

“Phil, would you also like to be dressed in the (peacock) fashion?” Irin asks. “I’m sure that Dan’s clothes would fit you.” 

Phil blushes all the way to his ears. 

“What do you think,  _ Pari _ ?” Dan feels their spine tingle at the pet name. “I’m sure you have something that would suit him.” 

Dan stands and chases his lover into their room, stopping only to warn Phil that he is not to get dressed until Dan chooses his outfit. Irin pushes for soft pastels for Phil, but Dan insists on bright blocks of colours. Dan scoffs at Irin’s initial instinct toward an all black ensemble for Santi. Their decisions get tossed at a very bewildered-looking Phil as he heads into the guest room. 

After Santi’s shower, he goes into the bedroom shortly before returning and tossing piles of clothes at Irin and Dan. The resulting fashion show is captured by Phil, Santi assisting when it’s Phil’s turn to model. 

Phil looks fit in high waisted sunflower yellow skinny jeans and a navy blue cowl neck crop top jumper. Santi looks soft in a white knee length cotton top with lilac patterned sleeves and thigh-high stockings. Irin looks iridescent in a red and gold silk top tied at the waist above black jeans that reveal all of their ankles and is loose around their hips, but they make it look like a fashion choice. Dan looks dashing in a white ripped skinny jeans and a black jumper with horizontal white stripes. 

At the end of it all, there is a definite consensus: they look better in each other's clothes. 

They would probably look even better getting each other out of them.

It starts with Irin approaching Dan with the hungry look in their eye that has Dan’s body reacting without a care for the other people in the room. Irin stops a hair's breadth away from Dan with the question and desire written plainly in their charcoal eyes. Dan lets his gaze shift to where Phil is looking at them over Santi’s shoulder. 

Phil’s eyes are wide and his camera is held idly at his side. Santi looks cautiously excited by the shift in mood. Dan looks back at Irin. Their face has relaxed into easy acceptance, a loving smile gracing their lips as they place a hand gently on Dan’s cheek. Dan knows that Irin would easily accept a friendly hug or a passionate kiss. 

Dan leans forward.


	19. First

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "I'm gay"
> 
> 3k of smut for the Phanniversary? 3k of smut for the Phanniversary.
> 
> Here ya go have a foursome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

Irin’s arms wrap around Dan’s waist, chin tilting up as their lips meet. They kiss softly, pressing closer to each other. Phil is enthralled by the slow, familiar rhythm of their movements. Dan runs their hands from Irin’s shoulders down to the small of their back and Irin melts against them. 

The air feels hot and heavy, the mood of the room shifting swiftly. Phil struggles to even out his breathing. Santi reaches back and pulls Phil’s hand around to lay on his stomach. It grounds Phil and he wraps himself around Santi. 

Dan pulls away from Irin, who whispers something in Dan’s ear that causes them to shiver. Irin laces their fingers with Dan’s and turns to face Phil and Santi. Dan’s eyes burn into Phil’s, their focus sharp and appraising.

“Shall we move to the bedroom?” Irin asks, dark eyes hungrily taking in the other couple. Phil swallows, his throat dry. Santi tilts his head back against Phil’s shoulder, looking up at him. When Phil doesn’t respond, Santi turns back to look at Irin.

“You two go ahead. We’ll join you in a moment,” Santi says, squeezing Phil’s hand in reassurance. Irin nods and pulls Dan after them to their door. Once they both disappear from view, Santi turns to Phil and cards his fingers through Phil’s hair soothingly. “Are you okay with this?” 

Phil looks into his eyes and inhales shakily. 

“I-I think-” 

“ _ No pienses, amor[9] _ ,” Santi says, then places a hand over Phil’s heart. “ _ Sentí. Solo sentí[10] _ .” 

Phil closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He recalls the image of Dan’s hands caressing Irin’s body, their lips moving against each other, and focuses on Santi’s hand on his chest. 

“I want this so much it scares me,” Phil says. 

“ _ Los deseo también[11] _ ,” Santi says. “Do not be afraid of this.  _ Estoy acá con vos[12] _ .” 

His hands move to wrap around Phil’s neck and he sighs into their kiss. Santi’s lips are soft, but insistent against his. One of his hands moves into Phil’s hair and grips there tightly, pulling hard. Phil whimpers, tension leaving his shoulders at the sensation. Santi’s free hand moves to Phil’s jaw, caging in his head to keep him in place as Santi pulls away.

“ _Estás listo, cielo_ [13]?” His dark eyes are warm and accepting. Phil knows that if he told Santi he didn’t want to do this, they wouldn’t do it. 

“ _Si. Estoy listo, amor_ [14].” Phil touches Santi’s hand, pulling it from his jaw, dragging it to his lips and pressing a kiss to his wrist. They walk to the door hand in hand and Santi gestures at Phil to knock. Phil takes one more deep breath before he does so. There’s a beat of silence. 

“Come in!” Dan’s voice comes from inside. Phil pushes the door open.

Irin is lounging on their side across the bed while Dan is standing near the windows that stretch from the floor to the ceiling along one wall. Lamps cast soft, warm light across the room, helped by fairy lights strung across the headboard. The city twinkles behind Dan’s tense form. Phil knows the stance well from the many nights he walked into the lounge to find Dan pacing. They look like they had frozen mid-step and are about to bubble over with excess energy. 

Santi immediately runs to dive onto the bed, jostling Irin, both of them laughing. Phil approaches Dan slowly, moving in close enough to touch, but keeping his hands to himself. 

“Hey,” he says softly. Dan tries to smile, but anxiety turns the corners of their mouth down. Phil continues: “I have to say I’m a bit nervous.” 

Dan snorts, an amused smile breaking over his face. “ _ You’re _ nervous?” They say, shaking their head. 

“I’m just a person and you are-” Phil huffs through a shy smile; “you’re quite attractive, Dan. I can’t imagine being brave enough to approach you in public.”

“Yes,” Irin says with a smirk. Santi’s chin resting on their shoulder, his fingers trailing along their hip. “Only the most brazen of peacocks would dare flutter their feathers for such a fine specimen.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Dan says, rolling their eyes with an even broader smile. When their eyes meet Phil’s again, he can see anxiety spike in them. Phil smiles in a way that he hopes is reassuring. 

“May I kiss you?” he asks. His breathing becomes shallower at the very thought of touching Dan. He feels untethered until Dan’s earthen eyes ground him. Dan reaches out, the tips of their fingers caress his cheek, they take a step forward, and their lips part before pressing against Phil’s. 

Phil’s hands find their way around Dan’s neck as Dan wraps around his waist, pulling their bodies flush and everything about it feels so familiar and right that Phil can’t breathe. A small noise escapes his mouth when Dan’s tongue swipes across his bottom lip. Their tongues meet and Dan’s open palms cover his back and the space between his shoulder blades are the only reason Phil is still standing. He melts under Dan’s confident touch and he revels in the feeling of being consumed and enveloped in Dan’s warmth. 

A moan coming from the bed causes them to separate from each other and look over at where Santi’s mouth has found Irin’s neck, his hand hidden beneath their shirt. Well, technically Santi’s shirt. Santi bites at Irin’s earlobe, pulling away until it pops out of his mouth. 

“I think our lovers are wearing too many clothes,” Santi says. Irin’s eyes flutter open, but take a moment to focus. “We’re a bit overdressed as well.” He runs his lips over the column of Irin’s neck while his fingers trail down to play with the button of their jeans. The lighter shade of their brown skin looks beautiful under Santi’s darker fingers and black ringlets.

“ _ Haan[15] _ ,” Irin rasps, tilting their head to give him better access. “My arms seem to have stopped working. I may need your help.” 

Phil’s attention is pulled from Santi’s smirk when Dan’s mouth sucks on his neck, their fingers finding their way under his jumper to scratch down the skin of his back. Phil grabs a fistful of Dan’s familiar curls and another fistful of their jumper, pulling them as close as possible and moaning when he feels their hardness against his own. 

“Clothes off,” he pants incoherently. Dan pulls their mouth then Phil’s jumper off before disposing of their own. Phil’s hands shake as he reaches for Dan’s jeans and fumbles when they grab the back of his neck and capture his lips in an insistent kiss. Their bare chests meet and Dan’s familiar warmth rushes through Phil like wildfire. He manages to undo the button and zip, but they have to separate to shimmy out of their jeans. Phil takes the time to pull his own off and when he looks back up.

“Fuck, you’re fit,” Dan says, stepping forward and running their hands over Phil’s abs. It’s still a bit weird to Phil that he has actual, defined abs. Santi also has abs. That’s probably the only reason Phil worked hard enough to get them. Santi’s quite into fitness. And being fucked. Phil has a lot of reasons to have abs. 

“You’re beautiful,” Phil says, feeling Dan’s soft stomach, tracing the hem of their underwear. Dan is wearing knickers and Phil is having a very hard time making thoughts happen around the sensation of soft lace under his fingers. 

He looks up from the knickers when Santi squeals from the bed and laughs gleefully when Irin’s teeth attack his bare chest. They’ve both managed to get completely naked. All that skin kills Phil’s brain to mouth filter. 

“He’s most sensitive just above his scars,” Phil says. “And be gentle with his nipples.”

“Why don’t you come over here and show us how he likes it?” Irin says over their shoulder. Phil looks at Dan, who smiles shyly. 

“Shall we?” Phil smiles back and holds out a hand. Dan snorts, but takes his hand for the two steps to the side of the bed. Irin makes room for Phil to join them and he slides easily into place above Santi whose dark eyes have been taken over by black pupils. 

There’s a strange moment of recall for Phil. He remembers being in this exact position so many times and he pauses to let the influx of knowledge flow over him. He cups Santi’s cheek and enjoys their contrasting skin tones and the rough quality of Santi’s stubble. Santi presses into his palm, his hands coming up to Phil’s hips and pulling their bodies flush.

Santi’s skin is a furnace against his own and he’s hottest where Phil is settled between his legs. His lips move, soft and insistent, until he can coax Phil’s mouth open with his tongue. His grip tightens at Phil’s hips, then another hand caresses down Phil’s spine, quickly followed by lips. Phil moans as he pushes himself up to his knees, trying to get closer to the lips on his back.

“Is there anywhere we shouldn’t touch?” Dan asks from beside him. 

“Anywhere. Please.  _ Dios _ ,” Santi says breathlessly, then gasps and jerks under Phil. Phil sits back on his ankles to look down and sees Dan laying on their side up against Santi, their fingers disappearing between Santi’s legs. Santi parts them further with a whine. “ _ Más _ , Dan.  _ Tus dedos - por favor _ [16].” Santi hums a groan and Phil watches one of Dan’s fingers sink inside him. 

He looks up to see Irin looking just as invested in watching their partner please Santi. Phil places a hand on Irin’s thigh and sees their dick jump at the unexpected contact. They lean forward, grabbing the back of Phil’s neck and plundering his mouth viciously. 

“Pull his hair,” Santi says. Irin’s fingers move up and tug and Phil feels himself go boneless and pliant, moaning as his eyelids flutter. 

Irin’s free hand moves to the front of his briefs and Phil pushes into their hand, fighting the hold on his hair. He grips Irin’s thigh to steady himself, his other hand finding their shoulder, then moving down, searching. When he finds a pebbled nipple, he pinches and rolls the bud between his fingers. Irin moans into his mouth, squeezing Phil’s dick through the fabric of his briefs. Irin pulls Phil away by the grip in his hair.

“Take these off,” they say, tapping Phil’s dick and releasing his hair so he can comply. He’s got them to his knees when he sees Dan and Santi kissing each other softly, their lips and tongues moving lazily. Santi’s hands are in Dan’s hair and Dan’s left hand is three fingers deep in Santi’s cunt. The shine of his wetness on their fingers as they work slowly in and out is entrancing. 

“I want to try something,” Irin says with a soft touch to Phil’s shoulder. Phil moves from between Santi’s legs and sits behind Dan, watching curiously. Irin bends down and removes Dan’s fingers so they can wrap their lips around Santi’s clit. Dan shifts to let their partner work on Santi without breaking the kiss.

“Fuck,” Santi gasps. His head falls back against the pillows, finally breaking away from Dan’s lips. 

Dan who is wearing nothing but lacy knickers. Phil runs a hand up Dan’s thigh, leaning over them and grabbing their hand and placing their wet fingers in his mouth. He watches Dan’s pupils expand in response, his curls lit like a halo by the fairy lights. He pulls back with one last suck, then brushes his open lips against their wrist.

Dan’s eyes blaze with arousal and Phil huffs as he’s thrown onto his back. Their lips claim his. His wrists are pressed into the bed. A bit of lace is all that separates them as Dan grinds down. 

“Can I fuck you?” Irin says, punctuated by a wet suck and a corresponding moan. Phil looks over to see Santi panting and Irin lounging comfortably between his thighs. 

“Condom.”

Then Dan is leaving a trail of wet, sloppy kisses down Phil’s neck and over his chest. Their teeth clamp around his nipple and he’s pretty sure he screams. He thrashes against the grip on his wrists when Dan licks over the throbbing nipple before taking their time playing with the other softly with only lips and tongue. When Phil is a panting mess Dan comes back up, crossing Phil’s wrists above his head with a peck on the lips. 

“If these move,” Dan says, staring directly into his eyes. “I stop.” 

Phil shudders when Dan lets go and removes their weight from his body, feeling bereft. Then he feels hot breath on his cock and his eyes fly open just in time to see Dan sinking down. It takes every ounce of his concentration not to move his hands into those curls. He digs his fingernails into his palms and bites his lips together to keep himself still. 

He can feel his thighs shaking with the thwarted desire to thrust up into them. One of Dan’s hands presses his hip into the bed while the other reaches up to pinch his nipple and their tongue flattens as they suck their way up his cock. Dan grabs his wrists and presses them into the mattress, pulling off and moving away without a word. It takes Phil a moment to come back to himself. Dan hums from beside him.

“You taste like Santi,” they say.

“You taste like Phil,” Irin says against Dan’s lips, the snap of their hips against Santi’s thighs never faltering. The sight makes Phil’s dick ache. 

“Amor.” Santi reaches toward Phil and squeezes his hand as his eyes flutter shut and he moans. 

“How do they feel, love?” Phil says breathlessly.

“So good. So fucking good. Fuck!” He shudders when Dan’s fingers find his clit. “I’m going to come again. Oh shit, si, si, fuck me harder, Irin!” Their skin slaps together as Irin complies.

“Are you going to come with him, baby?” Dan says against Irin’s lips. Irin moans, pressing their forehead to Dan’s.

“Haan. Yes, ah ah hmmm,” Irin says.

Phil shifts up behind Dan, pressing his chest against their back and wrapping his arms around them to trace lightly over the shape of their arousal through their knickers. Phil feels a satisfied smirk tug at the corner of his mouth when Dan gasps and falters. 

“Fuck yes,” Dan says, humming and pushing into his hand even as their own hand circles Santi’s clit. “Irin, babe, look at me. I want to see you come,” they murmur into their partner’s lips. 

“Dan,  _ pari[17] _ , I love you so much-” with a grunt they still inside Santi as his back lifts off the mattress with a silent gasp before shuddering and groaning and shaking as he comes down from his orgasm. When Irin pulls out, Phil presses two fingers into him and curls them on the way out. Phil pushes Dan’s knickers down just far enough to get his wet hand around their cock.

“Dios,” Santi says at the same time Dan says: “Fuck.” 

Phil adjusts his grip as Dan thrusts into his hand. They start to fall forward, only to be caught by Phil’s hand on their chest. Dan grabs his wrist and pushes his hand up to their throat. Phil is momentarily too stunned to comprehend what he’s meant to do. He presses experimentally and feels Dan’s cock pulse in his hand. With a cry, they come in spurts over Santi’s stomach. He keeps pumping until they tug at his wrist. 

“You seem to have made a mess, doll,” Irin says while surveying the man in front of them. When Dan doesn’t move, Irin lays a hand over the back of their neck and pushes Dan gently toward Santi’s stomach. “Good girls clean up after themselves.” 

Phil watches as Dan dutifully licks up every drop of their come, stopping only to swallow. Santi’s stomach is rising and falling rapidly. He’s staring down at Dan, propped up on his elbows, eyes wide and lips parted. He licks his lips when Dan is done and pulled into a kiss by Irin. His eyes meet Phil’s then flick quickly down to his still hard dick. 

Santi shuffles out from under Irin and pushes Phil down onto his back, swinging a leg over to straddle him. 

“I wanna ride you bare,” he says.

“Yes. Please, fuck yes.”

Santi reaches between them to position Phil against him, then presses his hips down, slowly surrounding Phil and sitting up. Phil’s hands automatically go to his thighs. He places his hands on Phil’s chest for stability, his thighs flex as he lifts himself off and drops back down, punching the air from Phil’s lungs in a moan. Santi bounces on Phil’s hips until Phil is grunting and thrusting up, then he keeps himself seated and rolls his hips, thrusting Phil’s dick into his sweet spot. Phil runs his hand up until he can run a thumb on Santi’s wetness, swirling it over the length of his clit. Santi hisses at the stimulation, but doesn’t tell Phil to stop.

Santi clamps down around him, trying to push him out, then feels like it’s sucking him back in. It takes every ounce of Phil’s self restraint not to come as Santi tosses his head back and whimpers with a grimace of pleasure. 

“I’m so close, Felipe.  _ Si, así, me encanta[18] _ . Feel so good inside me,” Santi pants, sweat dripping down his chest. 

Phil presses his hand to Santi’s stomach. He loves feeling his abs tensing. If he really focuses, he can feel where his dick is moving inside his lover. “ _ Precioso[19] _ . Santi,  _ fuck _ . I’m gonna come.” Phil’s head falls back against the pillows, his hand gripping Santi’s thigh hard enough to bruise. 

  
“ _ Acabame adentro[20] _ . Please, Fe,  _ por favor, si, si, si! _ ” Santi comes silently with his mouth open, eyebrows furrowed. The rhythmic pulse of his orgasm sending Phil over the edge. He thrusts up, trying to go deeper as he slows the movements of his thumb until Santi collapses on top of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Safe sex is important guys. As is consent. I kinda glossed over the overtly stated consent here, but I hope I emphasized everyone's ability to say 'no' and be listened to and respected. 
> 
> Santi still has a functioning uterus (testosterone doesn't actually make you sterile, just fyi), so in my headcanon he has an IUD to prevent pregnancy. However, it is not recommended that you have sex with multiple partners while you have an IUD, hence Irin using a condom while Phil does not. 
> 
> Cause safe sex.
> 
> 9Spanish: Don't think, love  
> ^
> 
> 10Spanish: Feel. Just feel  
> ^
> 
> 11Spanish: I want them too  
> ^
> 
> 12Spanish: I'm here with you  
> ^
> 
> 13Spanish: Are you ready, (literally 'sky'; endearment similar to 'darling')?  
> ^
> 
> 14Spanish: Yes. I'm ready, love.  
> ^
> 
> 15Hindi: Yes  
> ^
> 
> 16Spanish: More, Dan. Your fingers - please.  
> ^
> 
> 17Hindi: Angel  
> ^
> 
> 18Spanish: Yes, like that, I love it  
> ^
> 
> 19Spanish: Gorgeous  
> ^
> 
> 20Spanish: Come inside me  
> ^


	20. Manchester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "Did you ever doubt that your dream would ever come true?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Phil (canon verse)

Reminiscing and reestablishing connections with the past

  
  


“Did you ever worry it wouldn’t work out?” Phil asks, trailing fingers softly over Dan’s chest from under the warmth of two duvets. 

“Not really,” Dan says. “I mean, I’ve definitely worried a lot about many, many things, but I don’t think I was… present enough to be worried about things? Like I was in such a hopeless place that I had nothing to lose by recklessly going after what I wanted.” He turned to press his lips into Phil hair, breathing him in. “At the time that was you and you happened to want me back.”

“I’m worried,” Phil says.

“What, right now?”

Phil hums his affirmation. He expects Dan to press him or ask more questions, but he doesn’t. After the silence has stretched on too long, he groans and burrows his nose into Dan’s armpit. It doesn’t smell great, but it smells like Dan for the brief moment before he’s being pushed away with a giggle. 

“I tried to outline a script for a video the other day and I kept making references to my original life or writing jokes in Spanish,” Phil whines into the mattress that he has been banished to wither away in the chilly London air, bereft without Dan’s warmth under him. “Jokes in English are still fun, and there were plenty of those in there as well, but the amount of jokes I can employ has been reduced to a third of my ability!” He flails his body until he’s able to vocalise his distress toward the ceiling. He feels Dan shift and turns to see him settling on his side, head propped up in his palm and a cheeky grin on his face in response to Phil’s dramatics. It makes Phil huff and look resolutely back at the ceiling with a pout. 

“Hang on,” Dan says. “How exactly does being limited to English cut out two-thirds of your options? English is like… the language of puns.” 

“Becaaaaaaaaaaaaaause,” Phil says with a sigh, as though Dan is being purposefully daft. He raises a hand so he can count on his fingers.“There’s jokes in English, which I can still use; jokes in Spanish, which are completely useless in this life; and jokes that use Spanish and English at the same time, which I can sometimes get away with, but they’re mostly useless as well.” Phil flops his face toward Dan.

Who looks like he’s trying very hard not to laugh. “How dreadful,” he deadpans with glee. 

“It is though!” Phil says. “And I was in the shops the other day and I couldn’t think of the word for a thing in English!” 

“What thing?” 

“... lube.” 

“What’s the Spanish word for lube?”

“... lubricante.”

Dan does actually laugh at that. “Lube is literally the first part of that word!” 

“Yeah, well.” Phil’s pout intensifies. “Shut up.”

Dan laughs a bit more, pulling Phil back on top of him and cuddling him close. Phil totally didn’t laugh as well. As their giggles die down, the buzz of anxious thoughts grows until it’s deafening. Phil burrows his face into Dan’s neck and squeezes him tight.

“What if I never go back?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are currently pantsing SO HARD. I'm no longer a couple days ahead because 3k of smut takes time to write... I'm shitting myself. Pray for me.


	21. Parched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "You ate most of it. I ate most of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

POV their Dan (AU)

Phil and Santi leave. Dan eats (almost) an ENTIRE carton of salted caramel ice cream. The caramel bits are good, but the salt tastes too much like his tears.

Dan’s bum is cold. 

They’re sitting on the tile of their kitchen floor, back against the fridge, legs sprawled out in a V in front of them. A carton of the sad melted remains of salted caramel ice cream swirl around their spoon. The caramel bits are good; gooey in a way that makes their tummy happy, but the bits of salt are upsetting.

“You ate most of it,” Irin says with a mixture of awe and disgust.

“I ate most of it,” Dan agrees with a sad sigh.

“How are you not ill?” 

“I’m not sure I’m not ill, tbh,” Dan says. They actually say tee-bee-haitch. How low they have fallen. 

“You’re going to hate yourself tomorrow.”

“I hate myself right now,” Dan says. Their mouth is dry from all the salt in the ice cream. “I’m parched.” 

“Are you sure you’re not thirsty?” Irin says as they get a glass from the cupboard.

Dan levels them with a glare and accepts the tap water, emptying the glass and holding it out in a silent request: all while glaring. 

“You don’t even like that flavour,” Irin says toward the liquid in the carton.

“It’s too salty,” Dan agrees, wrinkling up their nose. “And my bum’s freezing.” 

Irin sighs and settles down in front of Dan, shuffling until they’re back to chest. Dan grumbles at having to set down the carton and spoon, but wraps their arms around Irin without much protest. 

“I’m sad they left too,” Irin says, turning to press their forehead against Dan’s jaw. “They were a couple of lovely lads.” 

Dan hums.

“The sex was pretty great too.”

Dan hums more emphatically. “Sex with just the two of us is great as well.”

“Oh, definitely,” Irin says like it’s obvious.

“Much less to juggle.”

Irin hums. “And no surprise touches.”

Dan shifts to see Irin’s face. “What do you mean?”

“Like-” Irin purses their lips as they think. “Usually there’s only one other body that can reach out and touch you. With the lads, there were a total of six hands and three sets of lips that could touch me at any given moment. It wasn’t a bad surprise when it happened, just a surprise.”

“Like, you kept getting so wrapped up in the partner in front of you and suddenly there was another touch from somewhere you weren’t expecting it?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Irin presses a kiss to their jaw and Dan puts a finger under their chin to bring their lips together. Irin has great lips. Dan likes their lips and the way their accent makes their words lilt together and their kind, dark eyes and thick, dark hair and the way their whole look softens and sharpens when they wear glasses instead of contacts. 

“I love you.” 

Irin smiles and kisses them again. “I love you too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now officially have the rest of the prompts outlined. Now I just have to write them! Luckily I'm keeping all the non-smutty chapters just over 500 words, so I should be able to catch up enough to end with a bang (... smut. The last chapter will be smut. Now you know.)


	22. Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "Even if it's hard or, you know, almost impossible, know that you can always change your circumstances…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)
> 
> I suppose I should specify: Phil and Santi live in a hacienda-style house with an enclosed courtyard. In Argentina they call them campos. I may or may not have spent six hours creating and perfecting the floor plan for the house and I may or may not want to live there now.
> 
> 225 square meters with an enclosed courtyard. The entrance is on the left. Phil and Santi live in the bedroom at the top. Every white part of the wall is straight up windows cause I love me some light (except for around the grassy courtyard, those are stone archways). The pink squares are dog beds. There are TVs above the closets next to the guest toilets (where one might lounge on the couches and chill or play games.)
> 
> I’m a sucker for open floorplans and lounging about. Also primary colours. Also herring bone flooring. Also rugs (not carpet). Also patterned tile. Also big kitchens. 
> 
> This is my dream house, basically, but I’m nowhere near rich enough to build it so… calling all glucose guardians!!!

They aren’t expecting any guests. 

It’s the middle of a pandemic and they live a long enough drive from the city that if there’s someone at the door, it’s usually the post. So when he hears Santi bringing people through the kitchen, he’s a bit surprised. Then he hears Dan’s laugh. 

He jumps off the couch just as they round the corner. Norman trots up to him and sits like he’s personally fetched their guests and delivered them dutifully to Phil. Phil scratches him between the ears on his way into Dan’s open arms, burrowing his face into their neck. He melted at the familiar squeeze around his waist, Dan’s big hands pressing into his back. 

It felt like home. But it also felt wrong. 

Like visiting his childhood home after strangers had moved in. It was still the same walls, but it didn’t smell like his mum’s baking and everything had been moved around or replaced. 

He pulled away quickly and sniffled, refusing to look up from the floor.

“I’m, um-” Phil couldn’t  _ breathe _ . “I need to go.”

~~*~~

He didn’t come back until the sun disappeared past the horizon and his face was dry. The curtains were drawn and the lights off in both bedrooms. There was a light on in the lounge and he saw Irin’s black hair move as he turned to look through the windows and caught sight of Phil. They gestured for him to come over and Phil considered refusing. With a sigh, he made his way over and sat without looking at Irin.

“You look like an insolent child preparing to be scolded,” Irin says, a smile in their voice. When Phil doesn’t respond, he continues softly; “Should we not have come?” 

Phil sighs. “No. I’m glad you’re here.” It sounds as conflicted as he feels.

“Then what’s wrong?” When he looks at Irin, their expression is soft, open, and concerned. It’s the same face his mum had when he came home crying in primary school because another boy had shoved him. Maybe that’s why he tells the truth.

He explains all of it: meeting Dan, Manchester, their careers, their flat in London, their fish. The entirety of his old life, all his memories, and the love he has for a man who looks exactly like Irin’s Dan.

“Wow,” Irin says when he stops speaking. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must be. Seeing Dan and loving them, but feeling homesick for your Dan.” Irin huffs a laugh. “I can’t imagine Dan being allergic to colour and comfortable enough with themself to come out to the whole world after all they’ve been through.

“But I can imagine them falling for someone like you,” Irin says. “They did in this version of the world as well. Dan was a mess when you left.” 

“My Dan was such a beautiful mess,” he says, then feels himself tearing up again. “ _ Is _ . He  _ is- _ fuck I miss him so much.” 

Irin moves to Phil’s side and pulls his head to their chest, soothing fingers move across his back and through his hair. “You’ll see him again,” they murmur. “Hush now, sweetheart. No matter how hopeless things seem right now, it will be alright. You’ll be okay. It’s okay.”


	23. Cereal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not all of us have to fit inside the baking tray of life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Dan (canon verse)

Dan wakes up to the smell of sugar and baking. Which means Phil probably filmed a video.

At least it doesn’t smell like burning. 

He doesn’t feel up to facing the disaster Phil certainly left behind in the kitchen, but he needs some coffee in his stomach at the earliest possible convenience, so he prays that the mess doesn’t inhibit his ability to caffeinate. 

He emerges and squints at the kitchen. The very clean kitchen. There’s a freshly cleaned pot and baking tray in the drying rack. The cupboard doors are all closed. The coffee is easily accessible. 

All the cereal is gone. 

All of it.

Except the Raisin Bran, but that doesn’t count.

There were at least five different half-full boxes of sugary cereals stocked in the cupboards yesterday morning and now… 

“Phiiiiiiiiiillll!” Dan yells into the void.

“I’m in the editing room! I made breakfast!” a soft voice calls from somewhere in the belly of the flat. Dan navigates the maze like bloody Indiana Jones to where Phil is sat with a video of him rambling, all the awkward silences and re-saying of things included... an abomination in his hand.

“What the actual fuck is that?” 

Phil swivels away from the image of himself making the monstrosity that he’s currently shoving in his mouth. 

“It’s good,” he says. Probably. It’s a bit muffled. Phil gestures to a plate of… something that looks like it was cut into… squares. Probably. That was presumably the intent. “They’re cereal treats with all the cereal. Not all of it fit in the baking tray, so there’s some balls too.”

“You know how I love balls,” Dan says with a snort and picks a square up. The texture is right. It smells… like a mix of very sugary cereals: fake chocolate and fake fruit with partially melted marshmallows from the Lucky Charms all held together by marshmallow glue. It will be either the best or worst thing Dan has ever put in his mouth. 

He puts it in his mouth.

“Do you like it?”

He’s undecided.

“I’m undecided.” 

“This is the kind of content your Phil usually makes right?” Phil gestures at the rambling fool on the screen who has finished presenting his creation and is now starting to clean up. Meticulously. And if Dan’s honest, he didn’t seem to have made much of a mess in the first place. 

“You cleaned the kitchen.”

“Yeah…”

“That’s so weird.” 

“Is it?” Phil’s whole face is scrunched up in confusion. “I like to do a cleaning montage at the end of my cooking videos. Is… do I not do that?” 

Dan barks out a laugh. He can’t be serious. He looks serious.

“Seriously?” Dan says. “Did Santi teach you to clean? I need to introduce my Phil to this guy.” 

“You can’t,” Phil says grimace. “He doesn’t exist in this version of the world.” 

Dan blinks. “What, really?”

“I tried to look up the Banderas Estate and it doesn’t exist. His dad married two different women and had a kid with one of them, but…” Phil swallows, a frown pulling at the corners of his mouth. 

“I’m so sorry, Phil.” 

“If I can’t go back, then I’ll never see him again!” Phil yells. “At least you exist in the other world! Your Phil found you and is doing just fucking great! He’s living in my house and he gets to fuck you and your lover and _ my husband! _ He gets to enjoy the spoils of my toils while I’m stuck here in a shitty London flat making the abomination version of rice krispy treats!” Phil then throws the remainder of the treat in his hand against the wall, letting out a frustrated yell. His hands are shaking and his breathing is far too shallow.

“Hey, hey-Phil. Phil.” Dan grabs Phils wrists and puts the sticky one over his heart, holding it there, and the clean one on his shoulder before gripping the back of Phil’s neck with his free hand. “Breathe with me, Phil. Just breathe.” Dan takes exaggerated breaths in and out until Phil matches him. When their eyes meet, Phil chokes on a sob.

Dan holds him close.


	24. Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "You and Dan are so married"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

Phil wakes up in the guest room with Irin imitating an octopus at his back. For being such a lanky bean of a human, they have managed to surround Phil with limbs. 

Phil feels lighter than he has since he woke up next to Santi almost a month ago. There is immeasurable relief in no longer being alone with this secret. Irin may not be able to empathise, but they can sympathise. 

Irin shifts behind him making sleepy sounds as they come back to consciousness. 

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” Irin mumbles, stretching with a little whine pushing out at the end. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yeah,” Phil says. “You’re very cuddly.” 

Irin hums their affirmation then gets up. “Gods, my hair is a mess.” 

Phil rolls over to see-

“What is that?” 

“Oh,” Irin says from in front of a mirror. “Dan said it was calling to them, so we figured it was a good ‘hey sorry we showed up without letting you know, please forgive us and let us stay’ gift.” 

“It’s Dan’s mirror,” Phil says. He struggles to extricate himself from the bed and makes his way over to the silver frame, tracing the familiar pattern. It’s the exact same mirror they have in their room at home. For just a moment, Phil sees the warm autumn afternoon light bathing the black and grey checked duvet; sleep-mussed warm brown curls next to a wild black quiff on the pillows; moon mirror centered above the fairy lights on the headboard. 

“My Dan or yours?” Irin says. 

Phil startles and when he looks back, he sees his own face in the reflection. “My Dan,” he whispers to the mirror. The sounds of bacon being placed on a hot pan enter the room moments before the smell. 

“That’ll be Santi,” Phil says. “He’s a morning person and he loves to cook.” 

“Truly a man after my heart,” Irin in the mirror says with a smile. “Wanna head out and see if he needs any help?” 

“I’m not hungry,” Phil says. His stomach growls like the betrayer of truth it is.

Irin laughs and comes up behind Phil, wrapping their arms around Phil’s waist and resting their chin against his shoulder. Phil tries to bring back the memory of Dan being pressed against his back just like this. 

“You should talk to them about this,” Irin says, startling Phil out of his thoughts. 

“About what?” Phil says, trying to pick up the thread of a conversation they might have been having.

“About everything you told me last night,” Irin says with a squeeze around his waist. “I think it will make you feel better and I can’t imagine either of them being cross with you about what you’re feeling.”

The idea is terrifying. It could ruin everything. It could make things awkward between Dan and him. Dan might want to leave. Santi might think he’s crazy.

It would help them understand. Irin didn’t run at Phil’s confession. Irin didn’t think he was crazy. Irin accepted and understood and they’re basically strangers in this world. Phil knows Santi in this world and he knows Dan in the other world. Even if things are so different, surely Dan isn’t so different that he would immediately reject Phil’s truth as a lie. 

“You don’t have to, but I hear Dan’s voice and I really need to make sure they don't add any strange ingredients to whatever they’re cooking. Their ‘great ideas’ are always very creative, but rarely taste good.” 

“You sound like Santi when I added cayenne to the brownie mix,” Phil says, laughing as they make their way out into the kitchen. 

“Exasperated?” 

“Fond.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've actually reached that point, y'all. I have run out of prewritten chapters. This one is being posted half an hour before the end of the day. I'm in a wedding tomorrow, then driving home, so like... hopefully there's a chapter tomorrow or I will be incredibly disappointed in myself.


	25. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "That's the plan"
> 
> UNPLANNED SMUT ALERT!!! What the children want, the children get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (canon verse)

Jetlag is a bitch and ten at night in Argentina is one in the morning in London, so he technically went to bed early. So when Irin comes into the room at one in the morning Argentina time and tells Dan they have to go sleep in the other room, it feels like four in the morning and Dan is groggy to say the least. 

Irin pushes at Dan until they stand up and walk across the cool tile of the courtyard and into Phil and Santi’s room, quickly crawling into the empty half of the bed and passing out as soon as their head hits the pillow.

~~*~~

Dan wakes up sweating. The downside of having two human furnaces combining their heat. Santi’s laying half on top of them, bare chest to bare chest. His right thigh is thrown over Dan’s hips, right arm curled around and under their neck. Dan is trapped. Any movement and Santi will wake up. The clock says it’s only seven in the morning, but Dan is wide awake and… quite obviously hard. 

Dan sighs and Santi shifts closer, his thigh rubbing over the tent in Dan’s bottoms. Dan may or may not moan obscenely. If they did, it was not intentionally pornographic. Santi snuggles into Dan’s neck, mumbling sleepily against the sensitive skin there, and their thigh shifts again. Dan bites off a moan, but can’t stop the full-body shudder or gooseflesh. They feel Santi smile against their neck. 

Oh, so that’s how it is. 

Dan rolls them both, landing between Santi’s legs and kissing the laugh off of his lips. When that is not effective, Dan lets his mouth explore. After much research, Dan concludes that teeth are the best way to get revenge, so they bite his earlobes, mark his neck, chest, stomach, and thighs. It’s slow progress. Dan takes their time to create bruises that will show on his dark skin. 

By the time they’re working on his thighs, Dan isn’t the one moaning pornographically. 

“Fuck, Dan,” Santi says breathlessly, moaning as Dan sucks deeply against the lighter stretchmarks on his inner thigh, aiming to bruise. He keens when they pull off with a wet pop to examine the obvious wet patch on his boxers. 

Dan hums. “What would you like me to do about this?” they ask, running their thumb under the fabric to caress over his wet lips. 

Santi’s hips buck at the sudden contact. “ _ Tus dedos, por favor _ . Dan, ah mmm _ please _ .” 

Dan pulls the boxers off Santi and moves up to capture Santi’s lips while sinking two fingers into him. Santi’s limbs wrap around them, clawing at their shoulders, heels pressed against their back. He moves his hips, fucking himself on Dan’s fingers as he pants curses in Spanish and English against Dan’s lips. 

After only a few seconds, he reaches a hand between them and rubs furiously at his clit, his moans turning strangled before he goes silent. Dan feels his orgasm pulse around their fingers five times before Santi cries out, hips jerking as he rides out the aftershocks. 

Once his breathing has stopped being forced out of him he says “condoms,” and gestures at the bedside chest. When Dan doesn’t immediately move, Santi looks up at them. “I want you to fuck me. Get a damn condom.” 

“One orgasm isn’t enough for you?” Dan teases.

“Never,” Santi says with a dopey smirk. 

Dan almost falls off the bed searching for the condom. They fumble with the wrapper until Santi steals it, ripping it open with his teeth. Dan’s hands are shaking too much to get it on and he’s only halfway to hard. It’s equal parts hilarious and humiliating. 

“Nervous?” Santi asks gently. 

Dan knows they’re blushing. They nod. “I’ve never- I haven’t had sex with- I don’t-”

“You’ve only been with people assigned male at birth?” 

Dan nods again. Santi puts a finger under their chin, forcing eye contact. 

“There’s no pressure. If you don’t feel comfortable-”

“No! I want to,” Dan says, “I’m just not sure- I want to make it good for you.” 

Santi smiles. “It’s not so different. The gspot and prostate are basically in the same place; I’ve got a clit instead of a dick; and I come with lube. Pun intended.” 

Dan snorts, shaking their head. Santi slowly sits up, forcing Dan to sit back on their ankles. He keeps eye contact with Dan, reaches between his legs, then grabs Dan’s cock with his warm, now wet, hand. Dan can feel their eyes rolling into the back of their head as Santi strokes them until they’re fully hard again. The condom rolls on easily under Santi’s clever fingers, then he wraps his arms around Dan’s neck and lays back down. They kiss each other lazily, one of Santi’s hands moving lightly over the condom before positioning Dan’s dick at his entrance.

“Just go slow,” he says. “Once you’re in, wait for me to tell you to move.” 

Dan nods, then they’re steadily pushing in and Santi’s head falls back against the pillows at the sensation.

“Good. You’re doing so well, Dan. Fuck,” he says breathily. 

Dan watches Santi’s face for any sign of discomfort as they push in until their hips are flush against each other. Santi pants beneath them, then squirms before gritting out, “Move.” 

Dan pulls out slowly, then rolls their hips back in at the same pace, over and over and over until Santi is biting his own lip and whimpering, his desire an inferno behind his eyes. 

Then one of his hands moves up into Dan’s hair and grips tight enough to sting. 

“Fuck me,” he growls. 

Dan hooks their elbows under Santi’s knees, palms pressing into the mattress, folding Santi in half before their hips start snapping forward ruthlessly. The grip in their curls tightens and Santi’s pants become sounds of his pleasure. Dan mumbles incoherently into his neck, biting and sucking to keep themself distracted from the brink of their fast-approaching orgasm. 

“mmmmmSanti- I’m- I’m gonna- I’m not gonna last much longer.” 

Immediately, his free hand goes between their bodies again. Dan can feel the back of Santi’s hand moving erratically against their stomachs. 

“Fuck. Yeah. Come with me, Dan,” Santi says, then pulses around Dan’s dick and pulls them over the edge with a shout. They keep moving together, riding the aftershocks until they both shudder at the stimulation. Dan pulls out slowly and they both hiss before Dan collapses onto their back next to Santi. 

~~*~~ 

Dan is called out of bed about an hour later by the smell of bacon. The condom is gone and the sheet has been pulled over their chest. Dan stumbles through their morning routine and finds everyone already eating around the table. 

“Dan,” Irin says with a smile. “Sit and eat something other than Santi’s pussy.” 

“Hey,” Santi says, shoving Irin’s shoulder. “I’m delicious and nutritious.” Phil snorts.

“I don’t disagree, but too much of a good thing can be a bad thing,” Irin says, ruffling his curly bob. Santi pouts. “And the sooner we eat the sooner we can get down to business.”

“To defeat-” Dan and Phil sing (off key and unashamed); “The Huns!” 

“Dan and I want to discuss our long term plans,” Irin says, ignoring the fools. “And Phil…” 

Phil’s smile turns shy. “I have... something I’d like to tell you about.” 


	26. Vampire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "blood. blood everywhere"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

“How disappointing,” Spike says. His bleached curls are slicked back and glowing like a halo behind his head. The red glow of his cigarette flares, illuminating the sharp lines of his jaw and cheek bones, before his face is obscured by an acrid cloud of smoke. “All that internal conflict and for what?”

Spike pushes himself off the brick wall, blocking Phil’s escape from the dark alley. His leather trench coat shifts dramatically around his calves. His eyes flash yellow, the rest of his face swallowed up by shadow. Phil is frozen in place, staring at the hottest guy from  _ Buffy the Vampire Slayer _ and simultaneously very aroused and terrified.

“You spent all this time  _ agonising and pining and whining _ when all you needed to do was fucking communicate?” Spike admonishes with a snort. “Humans are some of the most dramatic, ridiculous creatures I have ever had the opportunity to fuck with. Thank you, genuinely, for the entertainment, but I think it’s about time you head home now. Got to give the people what they want and all that.” He flicks the burning butt of his cigarette toward Phil.

Phil unfreezes to jump out of the way. “What the fuck, Spike?” 

“Run along now,” Spike says with a viscous smile. “Every minute you spend here with me is time you could be spending trying to figure out how to get back to Danny boy.” 

“What the fucking is going on,” Phil says, staring at the cigarette butt on the ground. “I’m talking to a fictional character in a dark alley.”

“No, you’re talking to a demon in the form of a fictional character,” Not-Spike corrects patiently. Phil tries to process this and does not remotely succeed. Not-Spike sighs impatiently. “I have to do bloody everything myself, don’t I?” Not-Spike stalks toward Phil, who stumbles back, throwing his hands up like that will stop the demon from following through with whatever murderous thoughts have caused Not-Spike’s face to transform into the spiky-toothed, yellow-eyed, snarling vampire that is much more terrifying without the barrier of a screen between him and Phil. 

Or, well, Phil doesn’t know their gender.

They’re very terrifying, regardless of their pronoun of choice. 

The demon grabs his arms and shoves him against the wall. Phil squeaks and looks down at Not-Spike. 

“That was-” Phil shudders. “That was really hot.” 

Not-Spike rolls their eyes before grabbing Phil’s hair and biting into his neck. Phil cries out at the pain, sinking down the wall as his legs start to go numb. Black spots dance across his vision of the night sky. His head slumps down onto his chest when the grip on his hair is released. There’s blood still pouring from his neck down to stain his shirt as the blackness swallows up the last of Phil’s consciousness.

Phil wakes with a gasp, feeling fuzzy-headed and drained. He lifts himself off his stomach and is faced with the clear image of his sleep-ruffled hair and quilt-creased face in the giant mirror at the side of the Irin’s room. He knew he was a fretful napper, but ending up with his head at the foot of the bed, on top of the duvet, without a pillow is a new level of restless. 

He hopes Not-Spike never visits his dreams again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had quite a bit of fun with this chapter. Buffy references FTW!!!


	27. Pride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "it's a good thing to be strange"
> 
> Went a bit... off topic with this one, but it was fun!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Dan (AU)

Santi bought some weed. All he said was, “It’s the good stuff.” and immediately started discussing ways to imbibe the substance without Phil hacking up a lung. 

Irin made weed brownies and some kind of traditional Indian drink (also containing weed) and some coconut oil (just coconut oil, no weed added). 

Dan has never felt so loose and tingly in their entire life. Dan is having many cravings right now. They’re not really hungry or thirsty just… very interested in putting things in their mouth. They have yet to meet a texture that doesn’t make their mouth happy. 

“Pants partay!” Santi yells while pulling off his shirt, then struggling to undo the button of his jeans. He giggles and thrusts his crotch in Dan’s direction. Dan, through some form of advanced mind reading, immediately swoops in ( _ swoop is such a fun word _ , Dan thinks) to assist, giggling when they also have a hard time undoing the button. Phil swoops in and tries to help his husband and ends up wheezing on the floor about how his fingers feel like sparklers. Irin swoops in and saves the day with their fashion designer fingers. They could probably undo all kinds of garments with their eyes clothesed…  _ wait that’s not right _ . 

“Clothes-ed.” Dan weighs the word on their tongue. It tastes like butterscotch. “Mmmm butterscotch.” 

“Haribo!” Phil shouts from the floor. “I want some haribo in my mouth Right Now.” He pokes the floor twice for emphasis. 

“There’s no haribo in Argentina, love,” Santi says. 

“There’s not?” Phil looks so heartbroken. He definitely needs a hug. Dan moves to lay on top of him while Santi is nodding seriously. 

“Just like there’s no bears in Europe,” Santi says. The room accepts this for several minutes of silence. 

“Hang on a minute!” Dan yells right into Phil’s ear ( _ ow. - sorry Phil _ ). “There are, like… so many bears in Europe!” 

“Yeah, cause like,” Irin says, then gets lost in the middle distance for a solid minute before their eyes refocus and they continue like the didn’t just totally space out there for a minute; “Russia is in Europe and Putin wrestled a bear naked once. I think.” 

“Was he naked or was the bear naked?” Santi asks. When did he strip down to just his pants? 

“I want to be naked like Santi,” Dan says.

“Oooooooo! Me too!” says Phil. They stumble over each other for a bit, getting tangled in all the clothes they’re trying to get off. “Weren’t we going to do massages? I want to do massages. They don’t have to be sexy massages, just regular massages. I’m chill to give or receive. Ha! That was a dirty pun.” 

A laugh explodes from Dan’s faceholes. Phil giggles deeply. 

“Seriously though,” Phil says seriously. “I just know that touching of any kind would be amazing right now. Ha! Get it? Cause I’m AmazingPhil!” Phil wheezes. 

“You’re such a strange person,” Dan says, trying to be chiding, but giggling helplessly. 

“I’m here! I’m queer! I’m filled with existential fear!” Phil shouts, miming that he’s holding a sign. His smile goes all soft and dreamy. “I was so proud when Dan came out.” Phil looks over at Dan and opens his arms. Dan tackles him to the floor. 


	28. Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "calm yourself down"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Dan (canon verse)

Dan wakes up to a dark room, dark sky, and a sleeping Phil. He feels tired all the way to the marrow of his bones, but his eyes are open and his brain is awake. He rolls over and blinds himself briefly with his phone screen to check the time. It’s three in the morning.  _ Oh well. Four hours is enough sleep for the night, I suppose _ .

He regrets standing up as soon as he’s done it. It’s cold and his joints feel achy from lack of sleep. He pulls his  _ sexual fantasies _ shirt over his otherwise naked body and moves to the kitchen to make himself a cup of [Catmomile Dream](https://www.etsy.com/listing/794089558/catnip-tea-blend-catmomile-dream-earl-of?ref=thanks_people_also_bought-1&frs=1&variation0=1381216188). 

He moves back into the bedroom and settles into the moon chair, listening to Phil breathe and trying to match him. Dan looks over his shoulder and watches the streetlights twinkle and the sparse cars move through distant streets. The muffled sounds of the city meld with Phil’s breaths. His mug is warm in his hands and against his lips. The light woody scent of his herbal tea heats his nose. There’s a rush of cool air over his bare legs, disturbing the hairs and creating gooseflesh as the heating turns on. In moments, the breeze turns warm and Dan breathes with a sleeping Phil until the hot air turns off. 

He takes a sip of tea and pushes the flavourful mixture around with his tongue before swallowing. Warmth flows down his throat and settles his stomach, radiating outward. Dan carefully folds his long legs into the chair, setting the mug on the metal arm with a clink and staring at the mirror to his right. The cool city lights cast soft shadows across his face.

Warm light flickers in the bottom corner, drawing his eye. There’s a candle burning in the reflection and Dan blinks at it, leaning over to confirm that there isn’t a candle sitting on the floor. His eyes are drawn back up and he feels his mouth drop open at the moving tableau before him. 

Phil is standing naked in front of the mirror, bent over with his hands resting on the chest propping the mirror off the floor. His skin is flushed from his cheeks to his chest. His dick is hard, leaking precome, and bobbing with every thrust of the person behind him… who is Dan. Dan has one hand wrapped around Phil’s hip, the other gripping his shoulder for leverage. 

Dan is looking down at where their bodies come together, but Phil is looking into the mirror, his eyes flicking between his own face and the Dan behind him. Dan moves a hand from Phil’s hip and into his hair. Dan pulls until Phil’s neck and back are arched, then bends over Phil to kiss and lick at his shoulders. When Dan gets to his neck, he stays in one spot long enough to leave an angry red mark that will be purple by morning. 

Dan leans up and whispers something in Phil’s ear before moving to a new spot on his neck and staying there. Phil’s right hand leaves the chest and he starts stroking his cock in time with Dan’s thrusts. Phil’s mouth moves around silent words, then his come streaks across the mirror and Dan thrusts one last time, stilling inside him. 

Dan pulls out slowly and Phil collapses onto his forearms, ass in the air. Dan ties off the condom, then looks up: straight into Dan’s eyes. The Dan in the mirror looks at him with wide, fearful eyes and his lips move as he backs away. Phil looks up and into the mirror in confusion. 

The Dan in the mirror turns away and the image disappears. 

Catnip chamomile tea. Phil’s breaths. City sounds. Cool city light. Cold tea. 

None of it calms the racing beat of Dan’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the home stretch! I'm still writing day by day, but I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. 
> 
> I'm also so, very, tired. I will be relieved to get this done and over with (apparently the best way to keep me going is for there to be copious amounts of smut, so... hope you enjoy that).


	29. Pumpkin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "I think I have a crush on you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Phil (canon verse)

They arrive back home two pumpkins heavier. They’re technically gourds, but they look like itty bitty pumpkins. Besides, Dan says they’re better with sharpies than sharp objects. Phil is inclined to agree, but Dan says he has proof and Phil is very curious. 

The  _ phil is not on fire _ series is fucking adorable. Dan pulls up a playlist on his laptop and much squealing ensues when Phil sees their fetus forms. 

“Omygoshyou’resoCUTE!!!” he screams in Dan’s direction, sweater paws pressed against his smile. They get to the end of the first one and Dan looks to Phil like he’s waiting for a verdict. He stays facing the screen, but looks over at Dan. “I think I have a crush on you.”

Dan laughs. “What, like right now or in the video?”

“Yes,” Phil says with a shrug. 

“Wow Phil,” Dan says, pursing his lips and shaking his head in judgement. “I didn’t know you were into fetuses.”

“Let me lap up that llama placenta with my lion tongue.” Phil sticks out his tongue, licking into the air while leaning toward Dan.

“No,” Dan says, looking both horrified and amused. He places a hand on Phil’s chest to fend off his advances. “Stop talking. You’re not allowed to say words ever again. And stop trying to lick me, weirdo!” 

“I’ll lick your mum.”

“This was a mistake.”

They make half their baby pumpkins into cats. The other half is more of an excuse to mess around than anything else. Dan ends up just painting his black with sharpie. Phil makes one of the cracks into a butt, then flicks his tongue toward the hole. Dan confiscates his pumpkin and his sharpie. Phil pouts. 

Dan makes it up to him by laying in Phil’s lap. Phil has a lot of fun making Dan’s longer-than-usual hair into a floofy mass of fluff. Phil giggles and Dan eyes him suspiciously before disappearing into the bedroom. 

“Phiiiiiiilll!” 

Phil giggles and jumps up to see what could possibly have caused his partner such anguish. Dan is standing in front of the very large mirror next to their moon chair, making futile attempts to press down the frizz that Phil’s fingers caused. Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, tucking his chin over Dan’s shoulder and admiring his work with a giggle and a cheeky lick at Dan’s jaw. 

He looks back at the mirror to see… himself, but standing alone, looking awestruck. The Phil in the mirror moves his hands to his eyes - and disappears. Only to reappear with his hands moving away from his face a moment later. Phil squeezes tightly around Dan’s waist and keeps his eyes wide open; forces himself to look past the Phil in the mirror to the room around him. It’s Santi and his house. It’s home. Phil’s home is right there; right in front of his eyes. 

The door behind the Phil in the mirror opens and Santi walks into the room. His mouth is moving, saying something that Phil can’t hear, but he remembers the sound of his voice so clearly - 

Then he’s gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are coming to a close and I'm both sad and incredibly happy. Endings are always so bittersweet....


	30. Skype

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "He's like a permanent apartment fixture or a birthmark"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (AU)

Phil turns around to look at Santi, completely unable to focus on what he’s saying.

“I saw them,” Phil says, pointing behind him. “I saw Dan and Phil in the mirror. In our London flat.”

Phil doesn’t wait for an answer or reaction. He turns back to the mirror and they’re there again. The Phil holding Dan -  _ his Dan _ \- looks just as stricken as Phil feels. Phil takes a step forward, placing a hand on the glass, fingers touching cool glass instead of the soft warmth of Dan’s face. 

“Santi,” the Phil in the mirror says and Phil hears him.

“Dan,” Phil whispers, moving his other hand to grip over where Dan’s shoulder is in the mirror. “Dan! Can you hear me?” 

The Dan and Phil in the mirror don’t react to his voice. Phil blinks rapidly against the tears fogging his vision. He squeezes his eyes shut and when he looks into the mirror again, he sees himself, but dressed in black skinny jeans and that hideous purple and orange striped jumper. Phil chokes out a sob. He misses that stupid, ugly jumper and the haircut that Dan managed to fix and that stupid, uncomfortable metal chair that Dan likes to sit in for unknown reasons. 

The Phil in the mirror moves closer. Phil moves his hands away from the mirror moments before they touch. 

“Why is this happening?” Phil says. Mirror Phil’s eyes widen. “Who are you? Why are you showing me this?” 

Mirror Phil takes his hands away and beckons Phil closer to the mirror. Mirror Phil holds his hands up in front of the mirror, gesturing for Phil to do the same. Phil places his palms against the glass.

“-kind of strange fucking Skype magic mirror bullshit this is,” Mirror Phil mumbles to himself. “And maybe this is an evil demon trying to trick me so it can suck out my soul, but fuck it.” He takes a deep breath, lines his hands up with Phils, and presses his hands to the mirror. 

Phil blinks at the Phil in the mirror. He takes his hand away and waves. The Phil in the mirror perfectly mirrors his movements. Phil looks down at his arm… which is covered in hideous purple and orange stripes. 

“What the fuck, Phil?” Dan says. 

Phil turns around and blinks at their bedroom with the stupid uncomfortable metal moon chair and the moon-shaped mirror over the bed with its black and grey check duvet and clothes tossed all over the floor. 

And Dan. 

Dan with ridiculous, stupid, fluffy hair that’s sticking out like the most beautiful fucking ball of fluff Phil has ever seen in his entire goddamn life and he’s perfect. He’s so fucking perfect with his stupid ripped jeans and his stupid striped shirt and his stupid expensive shoes and the stupid silver hoop in his right ear. 

Phil takes two steps to close the space between them, grabs his stupid face, and kisses his stupid mouth. 

He finally came home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Phil (canon verse)
> 
> Bruh. Only two days left. I'm STOKED!!!!!


	31. Haunting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "I dont like interacting with other humans"
> 
> (very abstract interpretation for this one, y'all)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV their Phil (AU)

“Phil?” 

Phil startles at the touch on his shoulder, but turns to look at the most beautiful man he has ever seen in his entire life. Phil’s breath is punched out of him as he takes in the [yellow silk sleep shirt](https://www.lunya.co/products/washable-silk-tee-set-2?variant=32952828788779&gclid=CjwKCAjw8-78BRA0EiwAFUw8LHJLN8JExx1ay10aIBo8_so4paWiy3QaU-mPx7iST3qrIZfpUd5ufBoCJMQQAvD_BwE), contrasting beautifully with his dark skin, that brushes the tops of his thighs, just low enough that Phil suspects he’s not wearing the shorts that come with the set. Phil’s mouth waters.

“ _ Amor _ ,” Phil whispers in awe.

“Fe?” 

Phil grabs his husband’s jaw and presses their lips together, moaning into the familiar cadence of their kiss. Santi tastes like cinnamon and cayenne and chocolate. His arms are warm and strong around Phil’s waist. When Santi pulls away to breathe, Phil whines at the loss. 

“Needy boy,” Santi says with a chuckle. “We have guests.” 

“I don’t care,” Phil whines, practically stomping his foot. “I wanna eat you out.” 

“We’re eating out?” Dan says from the doorway. He looks beautiful in a [black halter top dress](https://www.lunya.co/products/washable-silk-slip-dress?refSrc=11158676295&nosto=productpage-nosto-3&variant=31349633286187), Phil can admit. He’s sure Dan’s dick is still great, he just… really wants to fuck his husband. He’s been fucking Dan for weeks. 

“How did you get here?” Phil says, refusing to remove his face from Santi’s neck. “Go back to London and your own Phil.” 

“Now, Felipe, that’s no way to speak to your friends,” Santi scolds. “Also, this is our Dan. They’re here with their partner Irin.” 

Dan jumps as tan hands with [green silk sleeves](https://www.lunya.co/collections/robes/products/washable-silk-robe?variant=32903850164267) make their way over their stomach. “Speak of the devil,” Dan says, yelping when Irin pinches their stomach in retaliation. 

“What’s going on?” Irin says. 

“Santi’s being a bitch and won’t let me suck him off,” Phil says against Santi’s neck before biting and sucking on said neck. 

“You just got back,  _ chiquito[21] _ ,” Santi says breathlessly.

“Yeah and I’ve been deprived of your lips for almost a month.” Phil goes back to the same patch of skin, pulling it in with every intention of making a mark that will last even with Santi’s colouring.

“Weren’t you just kissing?” Dan says. They also sound a bit breathless and when Phil pulls off to look over, he can see why. Irin has a hand on Dan’s jaw, holding their head up and suckling on their ear. 

Phil smirks. “Not those lips, love.” 

“ _ Sos un malcriado[22] _ .” Santi smacks his arm and Phil giggles. “ _ Voy a tener que castigarte[23] _ ,” Santi says, gripping Phil’s jaw hard. 

He pecks Santi’s lips with a smirk, running his hands over his husband’s chest then gripping his sides and lifting to toss him back onto the bed. 

Phil was right. He’s pantsless. Phil is very excited about that, so he climbs over his husband with a playful growl before attacking his mouth while Santi laughs. He can’t resist rolling his hips down onto Santi, causing them both to moan.

“Fuck I missed you,” Phil says, reaching up to stroke his thumb over Santi’s cheek. His walnut eyes soften as he smiles up at Phil. When Phil tries to go for another kiss, Santi puts a hand on his throat, squeezing lightly. 

“Fe, you’re being rude,” Santi says, his voice all deep and commanding. Phil shivers, his eyes sliding shut against the fire burning behind his husband’s eyes. Santi squeezes more firmly, his other hand coming up to grab Phil’s hair. He brings Phil’s ear to his lips. “We have guests that need tending to. Make yourself presentable.” 

Phil whines as Santi nips at his jaw, jerking harshly at his hair. Phil reluctantly pushes himself up and off Santi, pouting lightly as he unties his favourite [silk robe](https://www.lunya.co/collections/robes/products/washable-silk-robe?variant=31349678637099) (at least Dan’s Phil has good taste), letting it drop to the floor. He sneaks a look through his eyelashes at Irin and Dan standing in the doorway. Dan’s head is tilted back, facing away from Irin with their eyes closed; a study in soft browns. Irin’s sharp flint eyes staring Phil down through a charcoal fringe, their mouth attached possessively to Dan’s neck. 

They paint a pretty picture. They don’t compare to the vision sprawled on the bed. Santi raises an eyebrow at Phil’s hesitance. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve gotten shy?” Santi teases. 

Phil huffs, but pulls off his [shirt and shorts (a matching silk set](https://www.lunya.co/products/washable-silk-tee-set-2?variant=31923814400043&gclid=CjwKCAjw8-78BRA0EiwAFUw8LHJLN8JExx1ay10aIBo8_so4paWiy3QaU-mPx7iST3qrIZfpUd5ufBoCJMQQAvD_BwE) because he’s a classy bitch) leaving them in a pile with his robe. He’s half hard and confident he’ll be fully hard by the time he gets back to Santi’s lips (which lips? Phil would be happy with either). He approaches their guests. Irin pulls off Dan’s neck with a pop when Phil gets close enough to touch. 

“Hello, Phil,” Irin says with a smile. “It’s nice to finally meet you.” Irin pulls him in by the back of his neck and kisses him sweetly. They part his lips with their tongue Phil presses Dan’s body between them, putting a hand on each of their waists. 

Irin pulls away before Phil is satisfied, but their smirk sends a thrill down his spine.

“Will you help me undress  _ meri aashiqui[24] _ , Phil?” Irin asks with a voice sweet like honey. “Then Dan and I will retire and you may return to your lover’s lips.” 

Phil feels a smile stretch across his face as he turns to Dan. “May I kiss you?” he asks.

“Please,” Dan whispers with a shy smile. 

Phil brings a hand up, tracing his fingers from the apple of their cheek to their ear, then down to their jaw. He runs his thumb from Dan’s bottom lip and over their chin, down their windpipe to the space between their clavicles. He traces the path back up, pausing when the pad of his thumb reaches the soft flesh under Dan’s jaw and slowly wrapping his fingers around the back of Dan’s neck. Phil feels Dan swallow against his thumb, but their eyes a lidded, expression soft as their breath stutters beautifully. 

Phil’s free hand moves up into Dan’s curls and he pulls Dan against him. Their kiss is gentle, a teasing of soft lips opening and moving slowly against each other. Phil barely tightens the fingers in Dan’s hair and they pull back, eyes fluttering open. Phil lets his hands wander down Dan’s neck, over their bare shoulders, the silk-covered plains of their chest and stomach. 

His fingers play with the skin exposed by the split up the sides of the dress. He hooks a finger under the hem at either side and starts to lift it, ghosting the rest from the tops of their thighs, over their hips, past their waist, bumping over their ribs. Dan lifts their arms, and Phil makes sure to run the featherlight touch up their arms to the tips of their pinkie fingers. He tosses the dress to the side and brings the back of Dan’s hand to his lips, kissing them gently before breaking eye contact to look over at Irin. 

Irin meets Phil’s eyes with a smile and nods before guiding his partner out of the room. Phil turns gleefully to look at Santi. He chuckles indulgently and beckons for Phil to approach. Phil practically skips over to where he’s now sitting on the edge of the bed, shimmying with excitement. 

“ _ Arrodillate, cielo[25] _ ,” Santi commands. Phil sinks to his knees, keeping their eyes locked together. Santi pushes his bum to the very edge of the bed, his shirt riding up to show teasing bits of flesh that have Phil’s mouth watering. Phil leans forward, rubbing his palms up the fuzz on his thighs. Santi’s hands stop him just before they get where he wants to be. He whines, looking up at Santi. “You’ve forgotten your punishment,  _ chiquito _ .” 

Phil whines louder and opens his mouth to argue. Santi leans forward and grabs a fistful of Phil’s hair, pulling until their noses touch. 

“Why are you being punished,  _ mi amor _ ?” Santi’s voice is low and demanding and Phil smiles helplessly. 

“I was rude to our guests,  _ querido[26] _ .” 

Now Santi is smiling. “You want to eat my cunt?” Phil nods. “For your punishment, you have to eat my ass first.” 

“Yes, sir.” Phil’s smile turns into a smirk. It’s hardly a punishment. He grabs under Santi’s knees, pushing them up until he collapses back onto his elbows, then pulling him until his ass is off the edge of the bed. He holds Santi’s knees to his chest and bites each of his asscheeks before running his flat tongue over Santi’s rim. Santi gasps and Phil points his tongue, circling over the puckered skin over and over until he feels a trickle of slick drip down from above. The flavour of Santi bursts over his tongue, bright and citrus-salty, and Phil groans wantonly. 

“ _Quiero saborearte. Por favor,_ baby[27] ,” Phil whispers, kissing the insides of Santi’s thighs. 

“ _ Si _ ,” Santi says breathlessly. 

Phil pulls back to look up at his lover, lowering Santi’s legs and draping them over his shoulders. He feels Santi hook his ankles together at Phil’s back. Phil takes his time running his tongue over the texture of the stretch marks on Santi’s thighs, savouring every inch, loving the way Santi’s abs quiver with exertion and his irregular breaths. 

He opens his eyes when he feels Santi’s outer lips press against his chin, looking into his husband’s eyes before pulling one side into his mouth and suckling until Santi’s head drops back. He moves to the other side while snaking his hands around the outside of Santi’s hips, tracing the skin of his stomach. When Santi brings his head back up and their eyes meet, Phil pulls off with a pop. 

He moves his fingers to spread Santi’s lips open and leans down, taking all of him into his mouth and sucking. He swirls his tongue around the entrance of Santi’s cunt, his eyes fluttering shut, moaning at his taste, swallowing slick and saliva. He flattens his tongue and licks from taint to clit before moving his lips to focus the pressure on Santi’s clit and hardens the tip of his tongue, flicking the tip and swirling under the hood until Santi goes silent and shudders through his orgasm. Santi’s thighs clamp around Phil’s ears, blocking out all the sounds around him. His heel presses Phil’s nose into him, cutting off his ability to breathe. Phil moans as Santi rides his face through his orgasm, loving it when Santi’s hips jerk as he nears hypersensitivity. 

He taps twice under Santi’s belly button when he needs to breathe and Santi’s grip loosens reluctantly and Phil gasps, breathing heavily and wiping the wetness on his chin on Santi’s thigh. Santi laughs breathlessly and Phil kisses his clit just to hear him hiss. 

“Again?” Phil asks, flicking his tongue over different parts of Santi’s lovely lips. Santi shakes his head and shifts, letting his legs fall into the crooks of Phil’s elbows and moving all his weight onto one elbow so he can grab Phil’s hair. He tugs and Phil gets to his feet without letting go of Santi’s legs. When he’s pulled into a searing, sloppy kiss, Santi is folded in half with his knees against his chest, Phil’s hand planted next to his shoulders. 

“Fuck me,” Santi demands and Phil can’t help but laugh.

“As you wish.” 

Santi reaches between them, positioning Phil’s dick against his hole and exhaling unsteadily as Phil slides in. Phil regulates his breathing and fucks into Santi slow and soft, their hips barely touching before he’s pulling back, rolling his hips to smooth out the motion. Santi wraps his hands around the back of Phil’s neck, pulling their lips together. They breathe each other’s air more than they kiss, but it’s so very perfect. Phil keeps his pace steady until Santi’s fingers move into his hair, gripping tightly.

“I told you to fuck me, brat,” he grits out. Phil pauses where he’s pressed inside Santi and pulls back a bit. He shifts Santi’s calves onto his shoulders so he can move his hands to press into the bed above Santi’s shoulders. He pulls out even more slowly than he had been just to see Santi snarl in frustration. 

The moment he opens his mouth to reprimand Phil, he slams their hips together, reveling in the way Santi’s mouth and eyes open wide. Done teasing, he grounds his knees against the baseboard, angling his hips so he’ll hit just right every time. He snaps his hips until the sound of their skin slapping together and their grunts of pleasure are the only sounds Phil can hear. His abs burn and he feels sweat dripping down his back and into his eyes, but he doesn’t slow or reposition. 

He focuses on Santi: hearing his breaths turn ragged and irregular, seeing his eyebrows raise as they scrunch together, his head tilt back, his back arch, his mouth open wider around his panted sighs. 

“Touch yourself,  _ amor _ ,” Phil grunts through his thrusts. Santi blinks up at him in confusion for a moment before his hand moves quickly between them. He groans as soon as his fingers touch his clit. “There you go, babe. Let me hear you. Fuck,” Phil pants, all of his focus on holding off his orgasm until Santi comes again. 

Santi’s sounds do nothing to help. He babbles praises in Spanish and English between moans and whines and requests for  _ faster _ and  _ harder _ . “Fuck! Right there!” 

Phil fucks him right there until Santi’s chin tilts up, arching his back off the bed, holding his breath as his cunt clamps down then spasms around Phil’s cock. Phil cries out as his orgasm is ripped out of him.

He collapses onto Santi’s chest, their limbs flopping out of the way. He ends up falling to his knees beside the bed, his face sliding down to rest on Santi’s stomach. They gasp for breath, Phil’s head moving as Santi breathes. He’s jolted back into awareness when Santi laughs, causing Phil’s head to bounce. Phil looks up at him in betrayal, which just makes Santi laugh harder. Phil pretends to pout, but folds when Santi makes grabby hands at him. 

He stands, then makes a whale sound before diving onto the bed next to Santi, shuffling his way up to the pillows. Santi follows, crawling on top of him, kneading at his chest with a  _ mrrow _ and plopping down onto Phil’s chest. Phil grunts at the unexpected impact, but scritches his husband's scalp (careful not to muss his curls). Santi breathes in against Phil’s neck, purring softly.

“I missed you,  _ chiquito _ ,” he sighs. 

Phil smiles, pressing a kiss to his husband’s hair. “ _ Te amo, marido[28] _ .”

  
“ _ Te amo también, cielo _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes, this is late getting put up, but life is stressful and I'm not superhuman. You don't have to remind me of my imperfections, thanks. Also, yes: I will be posting another chapter tomorrow (today) to finish this event off and, yes: I have not started writing it yet and, yes: it will be smut. What else could it possibly be?
> 
> 21Spanish: little boy  
>  ^   
>  22Spanish: you're a brat  
>  ^   
>  23Spanish: I'm going to have to punish you  
>  ^   
>  24Hindi: my lover (feminine)  
>  ^   
>  25Spanish: kneel  
>  ^   
>  26Spanish: dear  
>  ^   
>  27Spanish: I want to taste you. Please, baby.  
>  ^   
>  28Spanish: I like,,, super duper love you XD best husband EVAR~~~ UwU  
>  ^


	32. Cherry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quote ~ "I like it hard"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> POV our Dan (canon verse)

“I don’t know how I feel about this.”

“Did you put it on?” 

“... yeah.” 

“And?”

“I don’t know how I feel about it.”

“Can I see?” 

Dan walks over to the door and opens it. Phil is sitting on the bed, in his glasses, and facing toward the bathroom and the moment he can, he starts checking Dan out. Dan isn’t sure if he should be trying to cover himself or strutting seductively or what. 

“You look  _ so _ adorable,” Phil says, hiding everything but his eyes in his sweaterpaws. “Does it feel as soft as it looks?”

Phil doesn’t wait for an answer, moving forward and running his hands over the soft, stretchy fabric as he wraps his arms around Dan’s waist, pulling their bodies tightly together. His chin finds a home over Dan’s shoulder and Dan shivers as Phil’s breath whispers over his neck. 

“Tell me how it feels,” Phil says. Dan relaxes into him, running his hand over Phil’s back. 

“The bottoms are quite short,” Dan says. “I feel like my ass is hanging out.” 

Phil’s hands run down, tracing the skin just under the bottoms, humming thoughtfully. “It is,” he says appreciatively.

“The straps on the top keep trying to fall off my shoulders,” Dan says. 

“What a shame that would be,” Phil says, tucking his chin and mouthing at Dan’s bare shoulder. He nuzzles at the strap until it slides to the side. Dan feels the soft material of Phil’s jumper rub against his nipple as the strap falls far enough to expose it. 

“It’s soft,” Dan says with a gasp. “It’s strange wearing something high waisted, but it’s soft and loose enough that it’s-” -Dan’s thoughts falter as Phil sucks on the skin above his collarbone- “-it’s not restricting.”

Phil hums before popping away from Dan’s skin, pulling back and running the fabric of the top between his fingers. “And what do you think of the print?” 

Dan snorts, looking down at [the black material, dotted with stemmed pairs of cherries](https://us.shein.com/Plus-Cherry-Print-Cami-PJ-Set-p-888530-cat-1938.html?url_from=adplaswnight031910210924XL_ssc&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlvT8BRDeARIsAACRFiV5rb9xFx9yIGtWLyAJs-EdQsuGVNTz3tbEqNVLXqszNWV9fq0J4HEaAjO_EALw_wcB). “You’ve always been a cheeky twat,” Dan says, feeling fond. 

“I know you are, but what am I?” Phil mocks with a smile. He bites his bottom lip and looks at Dan through his lashes. “So I did a good job?” he asks shyly. 

Dan smiles, rolling his eyes. “Yes. You did a good job, Phil.” 

Phil shimmies his shoulders happily. He takes a step back, his eyes roaming up and down Dan’s body, locking on the place where a love bite is darkening on his exposed shoulder.

“You look good enough to eat.” 

“Cannibal.” 

“Deflecting,” Phil chides gently. “You’re delectable. Just waiting to be debauched.” 

“Now, how am I supposed to take this seriously when you insist on using food words in reference to my body,” Dan says, pulling the strap back onto his shoulder. “The joke is  _ right there _ and you know I’m dreadful at accepting compliments.” 

Phil hums, stepping back and sitting on the bed. Dan steps toward him, but Phil holds a hand up, palm out and Dan stops. Phil leans back a bit, tilting his head to the side in consideration. His eyebrows furrow, lips pursing as he contemplates. Then he’s twirling his finger slowly in the air. Dan fights not to roll his eyes as he spins slowly. After a full rotation, Phil makes grabby hands, so Dan goes to stand between his knees. Phil’s arms wrap around him, his chin resting on Dan’s chest. 

“You’re beautiful,” Phil says, all smiles and soft eyes, and Dan has to physically bite his lip to keep himself from scoffing or taking the piss. 

He takes a deep breath before forcing himself to simply say, “Thank you.”

Phil hums happily, fingers playing at the hem of the bottoms, teasing Dan’s cheeks with soft touches. 

“I want to focus on you tonight,” Phil says, moving his face to nestle into Dan’s soft stomach, placing kisses over the fabric. Dan can feel himself blush. “Would that be alright, love?” 

Dan calms himself by running his fingers through Phil’s hair, scratching softly against his scalp. He cups Phil’s jaw between his hands, bending over for a kiss. 

“Okay,” he whispers against Phil’s lips. Phil smiles.

“Get settled against the pillows, babe,” Phil says. Dan crawls up before flopping (gracefully) onto his back, shifting until he’s comfortable. Phil moves to kneel between Dan’s knees, running his hands over Dan’s thighs, his hips, his waist, his stomach. When Phil gets to his chest, he leans down and starts peppering Dan’s stomach with kisses. His breath is warm against Dan’s skin as he explores with satin soft lips. 

His fingers fan out across Dan’s chest, each moving over his nipples and Dan gasps, arching up into the touches. He moves his fingers back into Phil’s hair, not gripping, or pulling, just carding through the soft strands to ground himself. The Phil’s tongue flicks out; short, sweet kitten licks across his stomach. Gooseflesh erupts across Dan’s body as Phil’s warm breath cools the places touched by his tongue. 

Phil works his way up until he’s lapping at Dan’s nipple, teasing before he moves to the other side and doing the same. Then he tugs Dan’s top back down over him and moves to work on the skin above it. Phil kisses and licks at Dan’s collarbones before tentatively beginning to explore his neck. Dan’s fingers grip Phil’s hair in response, pushing his mouth closer. Dan gasps when Phil scrapes his teeth along the length of his neck, lifting his legs to wrap around Phil’s waist. Phil lowers his hips until he’s laying on top of Dan, propped up on his forearms so he can lift his head and shift to the other side of Dan’s neck. 

Dan’s eyes flutter closed as Phil takes his time working from his collarbone to just below his ear. His breathing shifts from shallow and irregular to deep. He sighs when Phil gets to his jaw and opens readily when Phil kisses his mouth. 

Dan feels soft and relaxed and-

“So pretty,” Phil whispers, then places a kiss on the apple of each cheek when they blossom into a blush. 

Phil kisses his way back down until he can lick a stripe just above the bottoms. He looks up at Dan as his fingers hook under the waistband and Dan lifts his hips so Phil can pull them off. Dan’s cock springs free, resting on his stomach, halfway to hard. 

Phil scoots back a bit before leaning to kiss near Dan’s knee. He explores the skin of his thigh with his lips, tongue, and teeth. Just as he’s getting close to where his cock is now fully hard, he shifts to the other side, starting back at the knee and working his way down slowly until he’s nuzzling the longer coarse hair between Dan’s legs. Phil’s breaths are hot and humid on the way out, cooling the skin as he breathes in. 

Dan shudders when Phil’s hand comes up to cup one side of Dan’s dick, holding it steady as he runs his lips across the thin, sensitive skin. The puff of Phil’s breaths has Dan panting, fighting not to squirm lest he break the charged quiet surrounding Phil’s ministrations. 

When Phil’s lips finally -  _ finally  _ \- wrap around the tip of Dan’s cock, Dan feels like he could scream. Dan’s hands fly into Phil’s hair as he stays there, just suckling on the tip, occasionally swirling his tongue around the crown or flicking sharply over the slit. 

Then Phil grabs the base and moves his hand as he starts bobbing his head. One of Dan’s hands moves to his own hair and he holds on as his jaw goes slack with pleasure. His eyes fall shut and he moans and pants, tugging his curls and Phil’s quiff. His body starts to spasm as he gets closer and closer to coming. He cries out softly as he comes and Phil sinks down and swallows it all. When Dan gets his breath back, he focuses on Phil’s face. His glasses are a bit smudged, but he’s smiling contentedly as he returns the gaze, his cheek resting against Dan’s thigh. 

“You swallowed,” Dan says, a bit shocked. 

Phil shrugs. “I’ve had two cocks and a vulva in my mouth too many times to count over the past month. One load doesn’t phase me anymore.” Phil laughs at whatever expression he sees on Dan’s face. “Don’t worry, love. Your cum is still my favourite.” He smiles with his tongue sticking out between his teeth. Dan narrows his eyes.

“Yeah, well Santi’s Phil taught me a thing or too while you were sucking on all the genitals.”

“Oh yeah?” Phil smirks. “Like what?” 

Dan glares at Phil, then pushes him back with a foot. “Stand up.” 

Phil does and Dan grabs a pillow before crawling off the bed himself. He drops the pillow to the floor between them, then grabs Phil’s waist and kisses him until he’s gasping and that stupid smirk falls off his face. 

Dan tugs off Phil’s jumper, the kneels on the pillow to help Phil step out of his briefs. He nods approvingly at Phil’s nudity, then grabs Phil’s hands, placing them in his hair and prodding until Phil tugs. He feels his body go pliant, mouth watering and eyes feeling heavy, but he forces himself to look up at Phil.

“Fuck my mouth.” 

Phil blinks.

“Start shallow and work your way slowly up to it, but I want you to come down my throat when you get there.”

“Dan-” Phil’s voice is hoarse, breaking over the name. 

“And Phil,” Dan says, with a smirk, “I like it hard.” 

“You’re sure-”

“Yes,” Dan says with certainty. “If I need you to stop, I’ll grab your wrists.”

Phil swallows, takes a deep breath, then nods. His eyes are wide as he guides his cock toward Dan’s face. Dan lets his mouth fall open, tongue resting over his bottom teeth. He presses his thumbs to his palms and wraps his fingers around them, squeezing tight as Phil pushes past his lips. He sucks greedily around Phil’s dick, pushing forward until Phil hits his throat, pulling back just a bit before pressing forward, shaking his head until he can swallow around him. 

“Fuck.” Phil groans before pulling Dan off him. Dan's breaths come quickly as Phil runs his thumb across Dan’s spit slick bottom lip. He leans down to kiss Dan hard and when he straightens back up, his eyes are burning with lust. Dan shudders under the intensity of his gaze. Then Phil’s cock is pushing back into his mouth and all Dan can focus on is the feeling of hot, soft skin moving over the hard length of Phil’s cock in his mouth; breathing when Phil pulls back; relaxing his throat and clenching around his thumbs to hold his gag reflex at bay. 

“You want me to come down your throat, babe?” Phil asks as Dan’s catching his breath.

“Fuck yes,” he says, sounding wrecked and hoarse. 

Phil pets his cheeks until his breathing returns to something more normal, then pushes back into his mouth and Dan’s eyes roll back in his head at the sensation; at the knowledge that he’s being used for Phil’s pleasure. The best part is that if Dan were to grab Phil’s wrists right now, or ever, Phil would stop immediately and without question. Dan looks up into Phil’s eyes and sees the love of his life looking back at him. 

Phil’s thrusts stutter as he gets close, but their eyes never leave each other and soon Phil is pushing Dan down to the base of his cock and  _ roaring _ as he comes down the back of Dan’s throat. Dan swallows around him as many times as he can before he needs to breathe. 

He taps one of Phil’s wrists and he immediately releases his hold on Dan’s hair and Dan pulls off with a gasp. Phil falls to his knees in front of him and wraps his arms around Dan’s neck, bringing their lips together, licking into Dan’s mouth. 

Dan breathes him in, wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, and lets Phil’s words wash over him. 

_ Beautiful. Love. I love you. I’m home. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all. That's it. It's done. 
> 
> Or is it?
> 
> It is. 
> 
> Unless you (yes you, specifically) noticed something that you would really like to see explained or explored further. Then you can leave a comment (or message me on tumblr, my username's the same in both places) and I'll see what I can do!!!


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